MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – While e-commerce analysts describe what is expected to be a war for the minds and wallets of Internet shoppers between Google Checkout and PayPal, the most important feature of Google Checkout has gone virtually unremarked. Checkout is based on a new currency issued by Google: the Googlerand.
“The days of geophysical nation states and the monetary systems to which they are tied are obviously numbered,” said Marcy Chung, director of Google’s newly created mint.
“Future wars won’t be fought over oil or piles of sand or competing interpretations of the words of some dead prophet, but over the way people do their shopping and banking online. That’s why it was important for us to become the first search engine-slash-portal to issue its own currency.”
Officials at Yahoo! and Microsoft, who were apparently caught off guard by Google’s latest maneuver in its quest for world domination, were unavailable for comment last night.
The Googlerand, the world’s first binary monetary system, contains the following denominations: Googlebit, Googlebyte, Googlerand, megaGooglerand, gigaGooglerand, and petaGooglerand. A Googlebyte consists of eight Googlebits; a Googlerand (GR) is 1,024 Googlebtyes; a megaGooglerand (MGR) is 1,048,576 Googlebytes; a gigaGooglerand (GGR) is 1,073,741,824 Googlebytes; and a petaGooglerand (PGR) is 1,125,899,906,842,624 Googlebytes.
“It all becomes very simple if you round off the numbers,” said Ms. Chung. “A kiloGooglerand then becomes a thousand Googlebytes; a megaGooglegrand is a thousand kiloGooglerands, and so forth.”
Devon Pzychzygkowski, chief software developer at PayPal, called the simplicity of the Googlerand system “a desperate attempt to cover up the fact that Google Checkout is essentially a one-way binary street.”
What Mr. Pzychzygkowski means is that Google Checkout does not provide an easy way for subscribers to send money to anyone who isn’t running an online business. Therefore, Google Checkout doesn’t offer anything near the convenience of PayPal, which allows people to transfer funds to anybody with an e-mail address.
In related news, on its initial day of trading the Googlerand closed strong against both the dollar and the Oprah, causing the DOW to fall 315 points in a flurry of late activity.
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