The Ass Bandit
WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Hillary Clinton’s gal pal Elton John is the latest recipient of the Postcards from the Pug Bus Ass Hat of the Moment award.
Mr. John—a portly, overbearing, needy little monstrosity in carnival drag—has long been more famous for his emotional outbursts, compulsive shopping, and substance abuse than for his melodies. (Think Perez Hilton without the self-deprecating charm and sense of humor.)
At a fundraiser for Ms. Clinton in Madison Square Garden the other night, Mr. John intoned, “I never cease to be amazed at the misogynistic attitude of some people in this country. And I say to hell with them.”
Right-o, you stupid hair-plug-wearing ass bandit. Anyone who doesn’t vote for Hillary is a misogynist. How’s that for trenchant political analysis? Why don’t you put a butt plug in it and leave the political commentary to persons of any race, creed, or sexual preference who have access to a brain?
Ms. Clinton, who attended the concert with her husband, Festus, and their daughter, Lassie, wasted no time in likening herself to the title of Mr. John’s song “I’m Still Standing.”
There are, however, at least two other Elton John songs that describe her more accurately: “The Bitch Is Back” and “I Am Your Robot.”
In related news, a radio station in Montana rather tastelessly suggested that persons fed up with Mr. John’s perpetual grandstanding should beat the crap out of his CDs and tie them to a fence.
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