BRISTOL, Conn. – Are we hallucinating or have college football uniforms become more and more gay looking these days? When your alma mater takes the field, do its team members look like football players or androgynous superheroes at a comic book convention?
These are not rhetorical questions. If they were, ESPN would not have added an athletic uniform reporter to its staff. While he is working out a way to tell the pitchers from the catchers no matter what the sport, we here at Postcards from the Pug Bus are happy to present the internet’s first guide to telling whether or not your college football team’s uniforms are gay.
♥Team captains exchange air kisses with opponents’ captains.
♥Team enters the field on a runway.
♥Two words: assless chaps.
♥The quarterback has a marabou-trimmed hand warmer.
♥Players wear their first names on the backs of their jerseys.
♥Achievement decals on helmets replaced by Hello Kitty icons.
♥The team’s accessorizing book is thicker than its playbook.
♥The school band plays more club music than fight songs.
♥Two more words: polka dots.
♥Jocks replaced by thongs.
♥Swarovski encrusted shoes.
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
