HOLLYWOOD – Harrison Ford denied in a conference call with AARP The Magazine yesterday that the long-awaited Indiana Jones IV is going to be called Indiana Jones and the Colonoscopy of Doom.
He did confirm, however, after years of rumors that raised more hopes than a Cialis commercial, that he is finally going to reprise his role as Indiana Jones, the snake-fearing, bull-whip-cracking, fedora-wearing archeologist.
Add Mr. Ford’s name to those of Sylvester Stallone, Mick Jagger, and other performers past a certain age who do not ask for whom the bell tolls, mainly because they can’t hear the damn bell.
“Sixty is the new thirty-nine in Hollywood,” joked Mr. Ford, who is actually sixty-four, which would make him thirty-nine and change in Hollywood years.
Apparently sensitive to suggestions that Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade really should have been his last crusade, Mr. Ford told AARP, “I’ve been cleared by my proctologist, cardiologist, urologist, endocrinologist, and every other board-certified ologist in the book. They all tell me I’m ready to (fornicate), fight, or run a foot race.”
“Not on the same day, though,” added Scarlett Johansson, who plays Mr. Ford’s love interest in Indiana Jones IV, which will begin filming this spring and will hit theaters in May 2008.
Although Mr. Ford was tight lipped about the plot of his latest Indy flick, he did react to a poll conducted over the weekend by Them Weekly magazine. Respondents to that poll were asked to select their favorite from a list of ten prospective titles for Indiana Jones IV. The winning entry was Indiana Jones and the Colonoscopy of Doom.
“No way,” said Mr. Ford. “Indy’s afraid of snakes, remember? Especially the aluminum kind with a light on the end.”
“I liked Raiders of the Lost Stool Softener, but that finished dead last,” said Ms. Johansson.
“You’ll just have to sit tight and wait to see how things come out,” said Mr. Ford before ringing off.
In case you missed Them Weekly‘s poll, here are the second- through ninth-place entries in the Name That Indy IV survey:
Indiana Jones and the Priapism from Hell. Indiana Jones and the Assisted Living Crusade. Raiders of the Lost Remote. Indiana Jones Takes a Nap. Indiana Jones Finds Treasure in His Depends. Indiana Jones and the Segway Disaster. Indiana Jones and the Senior Citizen Cruise. Indiana Jones and the Lost Grecian Formula.
In other news, Jack Nicholson is rumored to be in talks with UnitedArtists about a sequel to Easy Rider entitled Easy Does It. As Mr. Nicholson’s character in Easy Rider, alcoholic ACLU lawyer George Hanson, was killed in the original film, Mr. Nicholson will play his twin brother, Harry, in the sequel.
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