HOLLYWOOD – Jennifer Lopez and Hormel Foods announced today that the singer-actress-fashionista will introduce edible lingerie made of SPAM to her Sweetface fashion line in time for Valentine’s Day. The edible garments will include bikini panties, thongs, bras, and revealing one-piece lounge wear.
“The continuing popularity of J-Lo and low carb foods makes SPAM lingerie a natural for today’s fashion conscious, on-the-go consumers,” said Hormel’s chief information officer, T. Michael Dahlbert. “Moreover, we wanted to partner with a celebrity who’s got a big upside, and Jennifer’s can is just as famous as ours.”
Available in three designer colors—pigskin, liver, and ham bone—the J-Lo “Glam in a Can” lingerie is made entirely of pig lips, entrails, and connective tissue, the same items found in every can of SPAM.
“We chose only the highest quality by-products because we want customers to be assured that we haven’t cut any corners or introduced unsafe chemicals into our SPAM lingerie,” said Ms. Lopez. “It’s just as safe to eat as anything that comes out of a can of SPAM.” In fact, she added, SPAM lingerie will be packaged in a SPAM lookalike can that is “ideal for use as a jewelry box.”
Industry analysts predicted Hormel stock would rise on the news that the company had found yet another way to generate profits from pig by-products. Market watchers also expect edible lingerie to add their share to the $500-million annual revenue pie generated by the sales of SPAM kitsch.
“For SPAM lovers the meat is the message,” said Mr. Dahlbert, “and what better way to package that message than in edible SPAM lingerie?”
If J-Lo’s SPAM lingerie turns out to be a good fit for SPAM faithful, expect to see affinity styles available for sports enthusiasts. In fact, Hormel is presently in discussions with the National Football League (NFL), which wants to market team-pride jockey shorts with logos of NFL teams imprinted on them.
In a test version of the initial ad for this campaign, Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens stands facing the camera while Nicollette Sheridan, who is wearing a SPAM thong, approaches Owens. As 50 Cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin'” swells in the background, Mr. Owens rips the team logo off his jockey shorts, takes a bite out of it, and feeds the rest to Ms. Sheridan.
The Lopez-SPAM connection was greeted with enthusiasm by focus groups, but PETA spokeswoman Heather Mills McCartney denounced the collaboration, calling it “further proof that Jennifer Lopez never met an animal she wouldn’t exploit.”
In related news, SPAM is rumored to be testing beta versions of its NFL jockey shorts in natural, barbecue, and jalapeno flavors.
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