MALIBU – Any news report that begins with the words “Jessica Simpson thinks” is bound to raise eyebrows. The last time Ms. Simpson thought, at least for the record, she told reporters she wanted to adopt a baby in Mexico because she loved the Mardi Gras tradition.
Undaunted by the incredulous silence that greeted her idea, Ms. Simpson has popped the clutch on her mind once more. The object of her affliction this time is her birthday, which occurs today, as do the birthdays of folk singer Arlo Guthrie, 59, and Entourage star Adrian Grenier, 30.
Ms. Simpson would have been twenty-six today if she hadn’t stopped to think about it. What got her all turned around was her divorce from Nick Lachey, which became final on June 30. Originally Ms. Simpson had wanted the divorce finalized on June 31 until she remembered that “wasn’t possible except in leap years”—but that’s not really here nor there.
Although divorce might not make you younger, at least you can find a divorce lawyer, as well as state-specific divorce law information on Lawyers.com.
The divorce papers, filed in superior court in Los Angeles, declared that Ms. Simpson and Mr. Lachey were restored “to their former status of single, unmarried persons.” Ms. Simpson took this to mean that she was also restored to the age she had been when she married Mr. Lachey on October 26, 2002.
“Jess took the divorce literally,” said former BFF, Cacee Cobb. “She takes everything literally; that’s part of her charm. Jess really believes that since she was twenty-two when she married Nick—whom I did not fool around with, by the way—she was ‘restored’ to that age when the divorce became final. A few of us tried to explain things to her, but last week she sent out invitations to her twenty-third birthday party.”
In other news, Bill Gates stunned Microsoft executives when he announced at a marketing meeting that the new Windows Vista was “the inspired word of god.”
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