VIRGINIA BEACH, Vir. – When King Kong opens at more than 3,500 theaters across the United States today, people attending many of those theaters will be greeted by protesters from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals).
According to a PETA press release, members of the radical animal rights group will be demonstrating against “the wonton and senseless murder of several Great Apes for the amusement of jaded, thrill-seeking moviegoers.”
“This is nothing more than a glorified snuff film,” said Kim Feral, director of The Great Ape Project, which is the chief beneficiary of the PETA protest.
“We demand the extension of the community of equals to include all Great Apes: human beings, chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans,” said Feral. “Clearly the destruction of several Great Apes in the making of King Kong does not meet this demand.”
“That’s a load of bullocks,” said King Kong‘s director, Peter Jackson. “King Kong is not a real ape, great or otherwise. He was created by computer animation.”
Clifford Meritt, director of humanoid outreach at PETA, rejected that claim.
“Jack Black’s character (Carl Denham) was created through computer animation,” said Merritt, “but one of our agents who infiltrated the set of King Kong has actual footage shot with a cell phone documenting the destruction of at least two Great Apes on a remote island in the Pacific.”
The usually blunt-talking Merritt suggested that moviegoers attending King Kong wear old clothing. This remark seemed to corroborate rumors that members of PETA dressed in ape suits will masturbate, hurl feces, and fling snot on moviegoers. Last week, at the premier of The Chronicles of Narnia in Hollywood, members of PETA dressed in lion suits spayed moviegoers with cat urine from water pistols.
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