BOISE, Idaho – Embattled Senator Larry Craig says he plans to introduce legislation in Congress that will mandate the placement of toilet cams in all airport restrooms. In fact, the senator said in a press release yesterday, “I plan to make toilet cam legislation the centerpiece of my reelection campaign.”
According to Senator Craig, every year “countless numbers of healthy, heterosexual men” are entrapped in airport restrooms by overzealous vice squad members on agitated missions to meet their quotas for the month.
“I mean, for crap sake,” the senator said, “a fellow goes into a restroom, his foot accidentally touches his neighbor’s foot a couple of times, and the next thing you know he’s downtown getting fingerprinted. If that isn’t entrapment, I don’t know what is.”
Senator Craig said he firmly believes toilet cams could wipe out that sort of police persecution.
“First, the toilet cam would provide a visual record that could be used for identification purposes. Second, it would be able to record any activities of a disgusting homosexual nature that take place in bathroom stalls. Unspeakable things like fisting and Clay Aiken specials.”
Senator Craig said he got the idea for his toilet cam crusade after he had placed one in the men’s bathroom in his office on Capitol Hill, hoping to curtail splashing and excessive toilet paper use.
“After carefully reviewing the toilet cam footage,” said Senator Craig, “I was able to identify the persons responsible for these excesses and to speak to them privately about their habits.”
Elsewhere, Tom Cruise denies any knowledge about the toilet cam discovered in his trailer on the set of Valkyrie.
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