NEW YORK – Lindsay Lohan, once considered the potential number one pick in this year’s NFL draft, lingered on the board yesterday like a dingleberry on a donkey’s butt until she was finally selected by the Cleveland Browns with the twenty-second pick in the first round.
Questions about Ms. Lohan’s work ethic, intelligence, and her ability to play hurt caused her stock to fall, said many NFL draft experts.
“We don’t know if Lindsay can or can’t act,” said one talent scout who asked to remain anonymous. “All we do know after watching film of her in ‘serious’ roles such as Prairie Home Companion and Bobby is that we’ve never really seen her act. She’s definitely a project.”
Other scouts questioned Ms. Lohan’s health and conditioning, and several were openly skeptical about her ability to take a pounding from NFL linemen. Therefore, even though Ms. Lohan, 20, had racked up gaudy numbers early in her undergraduate career in films such a The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday, and more recently in Herbie Fully Loaded, she sat and watched yesterday while Mischa Barton, Mary-Kate Olsen, Jessica Biel, and eighteen other starlets were drafted ahead of her.
After posing for the obligatory photo in her new team’s colors, Ms. Lohan told ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser, “I’m just happy the wait is over. Now I can concentrate on helping my team get to the World Series in any way I can.”
The Browns, for their part, thought they had gotten “a steal” in being able to trade up to take Ms. Lohan so late in the first round—especially after they had used their first first-round pick to select Jessica Biel at number three.
”We didn’t expect Lindsay Lohan to fall as far as she did,” Browns general manager, Phil Savage, said. ”We started calling teams looking to trade up when she didn’t go in the top ten. We had her rated very high on our board, just not in the top three.”
The top five starlets chosen in yesterday’s NFL draft: 1. Mischa Barton (Oakland Raiders), photos of her openly smoking marijuana made her a natural fit here; 2. Mary-Kate Olsen (Detroit Lions), some scouts think Lions president, Matt Millen, meant to take her twin, Ashley; 3. Jessica Biel (Cleveland Browns), good, solid choice, excels at many positions; 4. Ashlee Simpson (Tampa Bay Bucs), coach Jon Gruden was impressed by her private workouts; 5. Scarlett Johansson (Arizona Cardinals), a real sleeper.
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