LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, who was arrested for cocaine possession and driving under the influence of alcohol Tuesday, has been cleared of the cocaine charge, according to a member of the Los Angeles Police Department.
“After reading Lindsay’s email to Billy Bush at Access Hollywood, the one where she said it wasn’t her cocaine we found in her jeans, we’re satisfied that she is innocent of that charge,” said Lieutenant Geoff Callaghan of the LAPD.
Officer Callaghan further explained that the reckless driving charge that had been lodged against Ms. Lohan was being dropped as a result of her email, too.
“Linds explained to Billy that the woman she had been following stopped suddenly, and that’s why Linds almost hit her—not because Linds was following the lady too close. After we heard that, we knew she was innocent of the restless driving charge, too.”
In related news, Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satire website, has lifted its embargo on Britney Spears news stories, said editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti.
“We underestimated Ms. Spears,” he chuckled. “Just when we thought she was beginning to repeat herself, she goes and wipes her ass with an expensive gown at a photo shoot. Apparently her muse has come back from the dead.”
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