LONDON – Last Saturday’s Live Earth concerts were such an environmental disaster that concert organizers plan to schedule another, more environmentally neutral event to offset the damage done by the first one.
“In terms of carbon footprints, Live Earth was somewhere between Sasquatch and Jennifer Hudson,” admitted former president-elect Al Gore, the brains behind the Live Earth concerts.
“As a result of the Live Earth proceedings,” he said, “the mean temperature around the world was approximately one-one-hundredths of a percent higher than it normally is on July 7. The resulting polar meltdown could eventually imperil the lives of thousands of penguins in Antarctica.”
Although Mr. Gore said he wasn’t certain what form Live Earth Too would take, he promised to have some idea after he and other eco-ambassadors had met in Switzerland next month.
Bob Geldof, a prominent critic of this year’s event, suggested that everyone who attended any Live Earth event stay home in the dark on the next fifteen July 7’s “to atone for their dunderheaded stupidity” in buying into the idea that staging a series of carbon-spewing, electricity-chewing events would “mean squat to a toad.”
Mr. Geldof exempted eco-warrior Madonna from his suggestion.
“That mess ought to stay home forever and be forced to use the same toilet seat for the rest of her worthless life to atone for her sins.”
In related news, The Who’s Roger Daltrey, who has been on tour for the last year, said that his remark about the planet not needing another rock concert had obviously been taken out of context.
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