MALIBU – Mel Gibson has apologized to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for failing to attend Review of the Holocaust: Global Vision, the scholarly conference that “reexamines” long-established facts about the Holocaust.
The high-profile conference, hosted by President Ahmadinejad in Tehran this week, drew sixty-one participants from thirty-seven countries.
A high-placed source at the conference has leaked to Them Weekly a copy of an e-mail sent by Mr. Gibson to President Ahmadinejad. We are pleased to be the first celebrity satire news source to bring that e-mail to our readers in its entirety.
Dear Mahmy, I am truly sorry if my absence from your much needed conference offended anyone. Please know that I am as strong as ever in my suspicion of Israel and in my support for the oppressed people of Palestine.
I stand with you in opposition to the coddling of Jews. I also believe it’s scandalous that the Holocaust cannot be discussed freely by men of good will like us without incurring the wrath of a Jew-controlled media. Furthermore, I condemn the agitated political correctness that makes it illegal to deny the Holocaust in Germany, Austria, France, parts of Long Island, and—as I found out—the California State Highway System. I beg your forgiveness for my absence, and I ask to be remembered to that little sugar-tits mistress of yours.
Best, Mel.
P. S. Remember me to David [Duke] also.”
Mr. Gibson had been expected to deliver a long-awaited defense of his theory “The Damn Jews Caused Every War in the History of the World” at the Holocaust conference. He was a last minute no-show, however, when unexpected publicity commitments occasioned by the success of his new movie, Apocalypto, required his presence elsewhere.
When President Ahmadinejad learned of Mr. Gibson’s withdrawal, he reacted angrily.
“That’s typical of fair weather anti-Semites. He was happy to come here when he wasn’t sure how his movie was going to be received, but now that it’s a success, he figures he doesn’t need the publicity.”
Them Weekly was unable to determine President Ahmadinejad’s response to Mr. Gibson’s apology.
Review of the Holocaust: Global Vision has been plagued by missteps. President Ahmadinejad’s first choice for keynote speaker, Borat, was asked not to attend when President Ahmadinejad learned Borat is Jewish. He was replaced by former Ku Klux Klan chief David Duke, who was already attending the conference as a delegate of his parish in Louisiana.
In other news, Duke University has offered legacy status to the child borne by the stripper who alleges she was raped by three members of the Duke lacrosse team.
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