SANTA YNEZ, Calif. – Michael Jackson’s defense team is spending a quiet weekend resting at the pop diva’s Neverland Ranch. Members of Team Jackson, their families, and their children repaired to Neverland late Friday afternoon to enjoy a weekend filled with Memorial Day activities.
“We’ll be doing a lot of grilling, playing volley ball, pitching horseshoes, watching the Indy 500, stuff like that,” said Jackson’s lead attorney Tom Mesereau. “The kinds of things ordinary families do on ordinary holiday weekends.”
Mesereau is forbidden by judicial restraint from discussing Jackson’s child molestation trial, but the silver-haired attorney is under no such prohibition regarding Jackson’s weekend plans.
“Michael lives for this sort of thing,” Mesereau continued, “kicking back with family members and a few close friends, not doing anything special, maybe renting a couple of movies, making popcorn— the ordinary things ordinary people enjoy. He’s even bought some new madras Bermuda shorts and those polo shirts with the alligators on them. Izods or iPods, I think they’re called.”
Many trial watchers were caught with their pants down when Jackson’s defense team chose to rest on Friday immediately after the jury had been shown a potentially devastating videotape in which Gavin Arvizo, Jackson’s accuser, described the hands-on masturbation lessons the pop star is alleged to have given him. According to Arvizo, Jackson warned him that if he [Arvizo] didn’t masturbate, he [Arvizo] would go crazy. Then Jackson allegedly went crazy on Arvizo, foundling him repeatedly and doing his best to ensure that Arvizo, who was then thirteen, would enjoy sound mental health while growing up.
“I don’t know what the hell the defense was thinking,” said CNN’s Nancy Grace on her Friday night show. “The few people in America who didn’t already know Jackson is guilty certainly know it now. Yet instead of trying to rebut that videotape, there was the defense rushing out of court to a waiting fleet of SUVs piled high with coolers and picnic blankets. Maybe they figured Jackson’s butt is cooked so they might as well get the hamburger cooking.”
Although Jackson’s defense team has attempted to spin the news coming out of Neverland in an “ordinary” direction this weekend, the prosecution has labeled that attempt “a pathetic sham designed to make people think Michael Jackson is one of them.
“He’s about as much one of us as Pee Wee Herman is,” said lead prosecutor Tom Sneddon. “If Michael Jackson weren’t on trial, he’d be holding his Memorial Day weekend sleep over for pre-teen boys. Instead of horseshoes and volleyball they’d be playing spin the hot dog and drinking games.”
In other news, Oliver Stone, 58, blames his latest drunk-driving-drug-possession arrest, which occurred last Friday night, on a conspiracy headed by Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
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