WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–There is only one kind of person in the world. He who knows about Schrödinger’s cat, and he who doesn’t. For most of us, however, Schrödinger’s cat is a meme in search of a meaning. Chances are we have seen a reference to this elusive feline somewhere in a book, article, movie, or television show; but chances are equal that we don’t know fuck-all about this creature . . . or even how to pronounce its owner’s name (ˈshrœ-diŋ-ər).
Therefore, the Pug Bus has devised the following quiz about Schrödinger’s cat to commemorate his (Schrödinger’s) death on January 4, 1961, at the age of seventy-three. The correct answers to the questions depend on your point of view and on whether you’re thinking inside or outside the box.
1. Erwin Schrödinger received a Nobel Prize in 1933 in recognition of his work in . . .
A) the discovery of new productive forms of atomic theory
B) isolating an anti-rabies vaccine
C) developing a waterproof cat flea collar
D) spay-neuter promotion
2. Dr. Schrödinger died from ______.
A) toxoplasmosis
B) cat scratch fever
C) TB
D) cognitive dissonance
3. When he invented his namesake cat, Dr. Schrödinger was taking the piss out of ______.
A) advocates of intelligent design
B) the failures of the first clumping-kitty-litter experiments
C) pet-limitation ordinances
D) the “Copenhagen Interpretation” of quantum mechanics
4. If Schrödinger’s cat were allowed to reproduce unencumbered, it would churn out _______ descendants in ten years.
A) ±0.005
B) the first prime number larger than 1,000,000
C) 1+ (E=MC2)
D) a^2+b^2=c^2
5. Which of the following sold for $16,500 on eBay?
A) a gag package of quantum kitty litter
B) a never-opened Schrödinger’s lunch box
C) a case of Schrödinger’s boxed wines
D) a 1951 Schrödinger’s Cat Box by Hummel
6. According to the Copenhagen Interpretation, the only way to be 100 percent sure of the location of a subatomic particle is . . .
A) via quantum GPS technology
B) by observing it
C) by PhotoShopping its reverse image
D) by waiting for its trigger warning
7. If Erwin Schrödinger were alive today, he would . . .
A) have way outlived his cat
B) be twenty years old in cat years
C) perhaps not be alive after all
D) be cited for keeping his cat in a box all those years
8. Schrödinger published his famous cat-in-a-box thought experiment on . . .
A) Valentine’s Day 1938
B) November 29, 1935
C) Christmas Eve 1936
D) his birthday 1937
9. In real life, Schrödinger was . . .
A) severely allergic to cats
B) a dog person
C) terrified of meeting his doppelgänger
D) a Leo
10. Schrödinger’s cat is taking a nap, he will wake up . . .
A) when he hears the electric can opener
B) if and only if you stare at him
C) or not
D) as long as you don’t step on the vial of radioactive poison next to his bed
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
