LOS ANGELES – (Editor’s note: Today’s guest columnist is Anne Coulter, best-selling author and social commentator, who has earned an enviable following for her wry observations and the gentle, good-natured way in which she exposes the foibles and pomposities of our world. What’s more, guys, she is easily the hottest best-selling female writer this side of Suze Orman. We are delighted to have Anne with us.)
NBC was right in refusing to air an ad for Shut Up & Sing, the fluffumentary “movie” about Blue-State-America’s favorite singing treasonistas, the Dixie Chicks. I have seen this piece of shit, people, and let me tell you, it was enough to make any god-fearing, barbeque-loving, truck-driving, ball-scratching man or woman want to commit road rage on those bitch-ass whores, the Dixie Chicks.
This piece of cinematic propaganda is a transparent attempt to use sex and cutesy, Photoshopped nude images of the Chicks’ liposuctioned asses to revive their career, which has been bobbing like the remains of a Taco Bell Gordita Supreme in the bowels of a Port-o-Potty on a construction site ever since the Chicks’ lead crybaby—Natalie “Bulldog” Maines—told an audience of limp-wrist Limey peace creeps in London three years ago that she and her “sisters” were ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas.
Well I’ve got a bulletin for you, Bulldog, patriotic Americans everywhere are ashamed that you and your in-vitro-fertilized “sisters” are from the United States, and they mean to do something about it. If, as you claim in your two-bit home movie, the death threats you received three years ago made you skip your periods in unison, wait until you see the turd rain that’s going come down on your heads when this movie opens. It’ll be enough to send you into terminal menopause.
Because this crappy excuse for a movie isn’t worth seeing, it isn’t worth describing in detail. Just trust me, folks, no amount of baby or [henpecked]-husband footage in this exercise can disguise the fact that when Osama bin Laden wants to unwind after spending a long night in his cave plotting the destruction of America, the Dixie Chicks are his music of choice. Boycott this film, or you’re a bitch-ass whore yourself!
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