SYDNEY – Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban began their honeymoon yesterday, accompanied by several accountants, lawyers, financial advisors, and a “mutually acceptable” arbitrator. Some rumors had the honeymoon party bound for Fiji, while other sources said the group was headed for Bora Bora instead, but by all accounts the newlyweds were eager to start their life together on the right financial foot.
“Nicole and Keith are devoted to the notion of a fair and equitable partnership,” said Ms. Kidman’s agent, Muriel Underwood, who did not accompany the couple on their honeymoon “because that would not have been appropriate.”
According to Ms. Underwood, her client’s net worth is approximately ten times greater than Mr. Urban’s, and “each is keen to bring a prorated portion to bear on their financial commitment to their union.”
Although she was willing to discuss the newlyweds’ financial arrangement in general terms, Ms. Underwood admitted she hadn’t crunched the numbers yet.
“You’d have to get that information from somebody on the legal-financial team,” she said, “but, of course, they’re forbidden from discussing any details of the financial arrangement as long as Nicole and Keith are married, separated, or divorced.”
Several news sources reported in the weeks before Ms. Kidman’s fairytale wedding last Saturday that Mr. Urban had been required to sign a prenuptial agreement stipulating that if the couple were to divorce, he would be compensated no more than £350,000 ($600,000 U.S.) for every year they had been married.
The amicable agreement also dictated that the couple would share joint custody of any children they produced but that Mr. Urban would not be permitted to take said children out of the country in which Ms. Kidman was living. Finally, if Mr. Urban reverts to abusing illegal drugs or alcohol, the agreement becomes void.
What newspapers did not know until just after the wedding, however, are the details of the financial agreement to which the couple had consented. Those details became public after a paparazzi disguised as a nun sitting at a table next to the honeymooners at lunch on Sunday overheard Ms. Kidman tell a waiter, “Put 91 percent of the bill on my credit card and the other 9 percent on my husband’s.”
“That was unfortunate,” said Ms. Underwood. “Nicole and Keith are so mesmerized by each other that they both left their new joint credit cards in the honeymoon suite. Ordinarily either of them would have been able to pay the bill with their joint credit card, which has a £250,000 ($428,571 U.S.) limit and to which each contributes according to their respective net worth.”
Ms. Underwood said she did not know “for a fact,” but she believed any monies the couple earned separately while they are legally married would be credited to their personal banking accounts, which they will maintain under their “individual corporate entities.”
Russell Crowe, one of several A-listers to attend the Kidman-Urban wedding, praised their financial arrangement.
“It’s a lot easier to get close to a bird or to a bloke if you’re not worried that they’ve got their hand in your pocket for more than a quick wank,” said Mr. Crowe.
Although Mr. Crowe became testy when a reporter asked if Mr. Crowe and his wife had a similar arrangement, most Aussieland celebrity watchers believe that Mr. Crowe did indeed sign an agreement that compensates his wife a set amount for each body part Mr. Crowe damages or bites off while they are married.
In other news, a representative for Tom Cruise would neither confirm nor deny rumors that Mr. Cruise wants the prenuptial agreement Katie Holmes will have to sign before marrying him to stipulate that she will be paid in bearer bonds issued by the Bank of Scientology should they get divorced.
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