postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
U.S. News

Keith Richards Picks Donald Trump in Electoral College Vote

philmaggitti 433 Views 5 min read

NEW YORK—Rolling Stones poltergeist and guitarist Keith Richards, 73, celebrated his birthday today by announcing his support for Donald J. Trump when “those cats at the electoral college meet to elect a president tomorrow.” Mr. Richards, who is 142 in Smirnoff years, is famous for a life punctuated by one near-death experience after another. “I Read More

Religion

God Says He Never Saw This Election Coming

philmaggitti 421 Views 2 min read

The Lord God Almighty—King of Kings, Giver of All Gifts, Father of All Fathers, and Keeper of the Most Holy Restroom Key—admitted today that he “never saw this election coming.” Speaking exclusively to Postcards from the Pug Bus as part of his atheist outreach program, The Big Fella shook his leonine head slowly and continued, Read More

Sporting Life

Gay Rights Group Slams Half-Time Engagement

Chip Hilton 450 Views 1 min read

CHICAGO—Born That Way, a militant, self-described “queer rights” group, condemned the recent engagement of two fellows named Michael and Jake at halftime of a Chicago Bulls home game. The stunt went down a treat with members of the OMG fainting-couch community. “The NBA’s First In-Game Gay Marriage Proposal Has Us Actually Crying It’s So Sweet,” Read More

Sporting Life

BLM Threatens to Disrupt Giants-Lions Game This Sunday

philmaggitti 522 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK—Black Lives Matter (BLM) has demanded that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning apologize to Dallas Cowboys black quarterback Dak Prescott for “disrespecting the brother” following the Giants 10-7 home victory over the Cowboys last Sunday. It’s difficult to imagine Eli Manning “disrespecting” anyone, apart from the New England Patriots in two Super Bowls. Read More

News

Alt-right Satire Site Wants Photos of Naked Progressives

philmaggitti 476 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—Thirty-six years ago today my favorite progressive was murdered. John Winston Lennon was the kind of person who wasn’t afraid to take off his clothes and stand up for what he thought was right. I think more progressives ought to follow his lead. Enough with all this pearl clutching and fainting, my fellow Read More

News

WikiLeaks Reveals Identity of Time’s Person of the Year

philmaggitti 427 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK—Fresh off its revelation of the Democrats’ blueprint for attacking Jeff Sessions—Donald Trump’s choice for attorney general—WikiLeaks revealed this morning the identity of Time magazine’s person of the year for 2016: The White Half of Barack Obama. “If there truly is a forgotten man in America today, the white half of Barack Obama is it,” writes Time in Read More

Culture

Neo-Nazi Richard B. Spencer to Grace GQ Cover

philmaggitti 415 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK—Richard B. Spencer, who has been called the Golden Boy of the Alt-Right, will adorn the cover of GQ’s February 2017 (Valentine Day) issue. The handsome, natty, and oh-so-controversial Mr. Spencer, who seeks to spread the gospel of white nationalism, is already spreading the gospel that “Neo-Nazis” are a far cry sartorially from their goose-stepping, Read More

You Can't PhotoShop This

Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 396 Views 0 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—What’s next? Beef jerky? Cabbage? Toothpaste? Kitty litter? Toilet paper? Condoms? Quiche? Marmite? Sushi? Goulash? Potato chips? Driveway sealer? Edamame? Marijuana? Edible underwear? Fish sticks? Hamburger Helper? Glasses cleaner? Umbles? FYI: According to the Chicagoist, “1996 brings the first reference we can find to pumpkin spice coffee, the beginning of pumpkin spice’s downfall.” © Read More

News

Gennifer Flowers Vows to Go Commando at First Debate

Biff Scuzzy 437 Views 1 min read

 NEW YORK—Gennifer Flowers, one-time cum-dumpster for then governor of Arkansas, William Jefferson Blythe Clinton, says she will “go commando” at Monday night’s first presidential debate. Ms. Flowers, an “entertainment industry consultant and advocate for women’s rights,” was invited to the debate by Republican candidate Donald Trump. “Yeah, I reached out to her,” said Mr. Trump, Read More

Sporting Life

Duke University Lacrosse Team Reinstated After Counseling

philmaggitti 452 Views 3 min read

DURHAM, N.C. – Duke University’s men’s lacrosse team has been reinstated after team members found to be deficient in language arts successfully completed mandatory counseling, said university president, Richard Brodhead, yesterday. Mr. Brodhead ordered the counseling two months ago after an e-mail written by sophomore team member Ryan McFadyen, 19, of Mendham, N.J., had been Read More

Sporting Life

NBA To Offer Autistic-Only Bathrooms for 2017 All-Star Game

philmaggitti 443 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK—The National Basketball Association (NBA), bowing to pressure from the radical autism-rights group Autism Speaks (AS), has promised to install “a prorated number” of autism-friendly restrooms at next year’s all star game, “no matter where it’s ultimately played.” The league is already under pressure from LGBTQWERTY groups, who want the game moved from Charlotte, Read More