postcards from the pug bus – Page 11 – lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Road Rage Trails in Consumer Reports Survey

philmaggitti 465 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK—When Consumer Reports conducted research for its 2015 road rage survey, published on December 31 last year, the magazine included for the first time questions about other forms of rage that sully our lives. “Road rage gets the headlines because it’s more sexy than other kinds of rage,” said Edward Bennett, CR’s director of consumer research, “but Read More

You Can't PhotoShop This

What Would Nixon Do? You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 391 Views 1 min read

We were watching the Villanova-Temple game last night, half paying attention to an interview with a former Temple player, half poking around on our tablets, half sucking on a phatty, when what to our wandering eyes should appear but the accompanying image. “Holy fucking shit,” we sputtered, “that’s funny.” Then we got to thinking: what, Read More

Portal Sporting Life

Charlotte Rampling Says Fuss Over Cam Newton Is Racist to White QBs

Biff Scuzzy 448 Views 2 min read

CANCUN—Oscar nominee Charlotte Rampling said yesterday that “all this codswallop” about Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, who is African American, “is racist to white quarterbacks.” Speaking on Telemundo’s “Centro de Deportes” in fluent Spanish, Ms. Rampling, 69, observed, “To my knowledge there have been only two black quarterbacks to win the Super Bowl. Doug Williams Read More

Sporting Life

Mike Ditka Is the New Face of Lane Bryant

Chip Hilton 434 Views 2 min read

CHICAGO—In a move certain to raise eyebrows if not hem lines, Lane Bryant is set to introduce former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka as the new face of plus-size women’s clothing at a press conference tomorrow. Although Lane Bryant CEO Charles McKee would neither confirm nor deny this report, a source close to Coach Ditka Read More

Saints Alive

Fabian, Patron Saint of Dove Fanciers

philmaggitti 447 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Fabian d’Fabiano, whose name literally means “Fabian, Son of the Son of Fabian,“ was a poor excuse for an olive farmer, who lived outside Rome. To supplement his pitiful income he raised doves for racing and companionship and, when all else failed, food. In 236 CE—shortly after the tragic yet unforeseen [sic] death Read More

Innerviews

Talking Shit with Clementine the Taco Bell Piggy Bank

philmaggitti 465 Views 4 min read

WEST GOSHEN, PA.—Taco Bell’s current ad touting its breakfast crunch wrap sliders features an elderly piggy bank named Clementine and a young fellow named Mark, with whom the piggy bank has shared a room for roughly a dozen years. We learn during the ad that Clementine has seen Mark, who looks to be about nineteen Read More

Culture

Consumer Reports Road Rage Survey for 2015

philmaggitti 456 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK—According to Consumer Reports 2015 Road Rage Survey, the most likely road rage perpetrator this year was a male between thirty-five and fifty driving a blue, late-model BMW on a Tuesday afternoon at roughly 5:45. This is the second year in row that BMW is the road rage vehicular weapon of choice. Range Rover and Audi Read More

Technology

Hello Barbie Hears All and Tells All

philmaggitti 472 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Something called the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (CCFC) wants you to know that Hello Barbie™ is the most sordid and contemptible toy ever sold this year. According to CCFC founder, Susan Linn, Hello Barbie™ is “creepy and creates a host of dangers for children and families.” Wondering what could be so terrible Read More

Blog

Sticking It to The Military-Athletic Complex: Pug Bus Blog #3

philmaggitti 475 Views 2 min read

The military-athletic complex is a pain in my NFL-watching ass. I detest the ginormous flag rollouts that precede most games, the stupid camouflage gear that coaches wear on the sidelines, the butt-boy announcers kissing camouflage ass and waxing all moist over “our brave fighting men and women who keep us safe,” the staged reunions between Read More

Culture

NCTE Outraged over Time’s Choice of the Clitoris as Person of the Year

Chip Hilton 448 Views 1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The National Council for Transgender Equality (NCTE) charged today that Time magazine’s choice of the clitoris as its 2015 Person of the Year “invalidates the narratives” of thousands of transgender women around the world. “By conferring this award on the clitoris,” said the NCTE, “Time mocks transgender women everywhere, who are not considered part of this award Read More

News

Yes, Virginia, There Was a Poop Swastika

philmaggitti 416 Views 2 min read

COLUMBIA, Mo.—Poop Swastika Truthers took one in the shorts recently with the release of a University of Missouri police department report confirming that someone did indeed grab a handful of shit and draw a swastika on a co-ed bathroom wall in a university dorm. The swastika, whose existence had been questioned by various right-wing media Read More

News

Trump Win Puts Neo-Nazi German Villages on Tourism Map

Biff Scuzzy 430 Views 2 min read

As though to acknowledge that fashion is indeed the universal language, Globus® and other purveyors of European package tours have added Wibbese, Jamal, and half a dozen other picturesque, rural German villages to their spring itineraries. The move, says Globus® marketing director Earl Witherspoon, is our way of saying that fashion trumps ideology in the Read More

Sporting Life

NFL to Install 200 Gender-Appropriate Bathrooms for Super Bowl LI

philmaggitti 409 Views 3 min read

HOUSTON–The National Football League promises that Super Bowl LI, scheduled to be played in Houston on February 5, 2017, will be “the most all-inclusive, welcoming, and gender-affirmative Super Bowl in history.” The foundation of all that welcoming and affirmation will be two hundred “special bowls,” the centerpieces of new gender-appropriate rest rooms to be installed Read More

You Can't PhotoShop This

Colleges Offer Halloween Costume Counseling: You Can’t Photoshop This

Biff Scuzzy 416 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.–Not content with declaring war on date rape, Columbus Day, free speech, men who urinate standing up, and other impediments to the establishment of the nanny state/matriarchal society, colleges have taken dead aim on Halloween, a day fraught with the perils of political incorrectness. The State University of New York at Geneseo and Read More

Ass Hats

Lena Van Haren of Everett Middle School Is Ass Hat of the Moment

philmaggitti 418 Views 4 min read

SAN FRANCISCO—Just when you think progressives couldn’t possibly do anything more batshit than some of the batshit things they’ve done already, along comes some batshit progressive with her head up her ass crashing headlong into the walls of common sense, decency, right thinking, and civic responsibility. That headless horseperson would be Lena Van Haren, principal Read More