postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Technology

Windows 10 Officially Labeled Malware by NCSA

philmaggitti 430 Views 4 min read

 CARLISLE, Pa.—The National Computer Security Association (NCSA) has announced that Windows 10, the aggressively marketed new operating system from Microsoft, now qualifies as malware. The NCSA, headquartered in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, made the announcement after receiving “countless troubling reports” of Microsoft’s having “gone rogue” in promoting and distributing Windows 10. “Microsoft’s disregard for the integrity of Read More

Music

Blackwater, RIAA Join Forces to Combat Music Piracy

philmaggitti 435 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Blackwater USA, the rogue security company accused of sport killing innocent civilians in Iraq, has agreed to provide “tactical enforcement capabilities” for the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America). “We are proud to be working with the RIAA,” said Blackwater founder, Erik Prince, on 60 Minutes Sunday night. “Every time a scumbag college kid Read More

NewsPolitics

#blacklivesmatter Campaign Launched at Dunkin’ Donuts

Biff Scuzzy 416 Views 3 min read

PROVIDENCE, R.I.—Dunkin’ Donuts’ new #blacklivesmatter campaign hit a speed bump after it had been rolled out in Providence, Rhode Island, last Friday. Matter of fact, the campaign hit a police cruiser when a Dunkin’ Donuts employee wrote “#blacklivesmatter” on the side of a patrolman’s coffee cup. “I paid for that fucking coffee,” said the officer, Read More

Religion

What Did Pope Francis Know and When Did He Know I

philmaggitti 415 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Since finding out last week that Pope Francis, “the cool pope,” had met secretly with Kim Davis in Washington, D.C., on September 24, a meeting that was kept on the down low for six days, everybody from Catholic church officials to their gay brothers-in-law have been scrambling to explain why that meeting didn’t amount Read More

Blog

Stay the Fuck Home, Mick Jagger: The Pug Bus Blog #2   

philmaggitti 460 Views 4 min read

Dear Mick,I see where you dragged your withered buttocks on stage the other day to croak your way through “Satisfaction” with that towering mediocrity Taylor Swift. Well, she towered over you that’s for sure, in more ways than one. What in the name of all that’s wrinkled, wizened, and way past its prime—namely you, you Read More

Religion

When Francis Met Kim

philmaggitti 479 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—His Supreme Excellency Pope Francis—in addition to meeting with the Harlem Globe Trotters, Vice-President “Meadowlark” Biden (who presented him with a photo of Mr. Biden’s late son, Beau), illegal immigrants, disabled illegal immigrants, and the AARP’s Seniors’ Transgender Alliance—also conspired to meet secretly with Kim Davis at the Vatican’s underground bunker in Washington, D.C. Read More

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Gets All Up in Thug Kitchen’s Ass

philmaggitti 458 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Today, boys and girls, we are going to depart from our usual custom of calling out the shitwads who ignore conventional norms of usage. No brickbats for the boneheads who confuse adoptive and adopted; no crucifying the clodhoppers who don’t know that irregardless is an irregular construction; not a single drop of disdain for the dickheads who think alot is Read More

Music

Roger Daltrey’s Hair Forces Cancellation of Who Tour

philmaggitti 456 Views 2 min read

LONDON—Complications surrounding singer Roger Daltrey’s hair have forced The Who to postpone a North American tour that had been scheduled to begin on September 24 in Portland, Oregon. According to a press release issued by the band’s Who’s Left productions, Mr. Daltrey’s hair, 71, contracted follicular meningitis and was ordered by a doctor to rest. Read More

Ass Hats

DeGeneres Wins Asshat Award Again

philmaggitti 484 Views 4 min read

    LOS ANGELES-Ellen DeGeneres, with a face only a lesbian could love, has planted that face, and the head to which it is attached, firmly up her ass again. Miss DeGeneres, a putative vegan, has been outed by several animal-advocacy groups because her new ED lifestyle clothing line is being expanded to accommodate shit Read More

Technology

Apple To Reveal Shocker at Annual Event

Biff Scuzzy 481 Views 1 min read

SAN FRANCISCO, Ca.–As the tech world holds its breath waiting for Apple’s Christmas-in-September party today, rumors are swirling that the Cupertino giant has a major surprise up its sleeve—or up its ass, to be more precise. “The iButt, a combination thumb drive and butt plug, will be rolled out today,” said an inside source at Read More