postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Music

Taylor Swift Placed Under Suicide Watch (Breaking News)

Chip Hilton 449 Views 2 min read

READING, Pa.–Taylor Swift has been placed under a suicide watch by concerned members of her entourage, the Pug Bus learned today. The popular, six-foot-tall singer-songwriter has been sideswiped by increasingly severe and frequent panic attacks that have played havoc with her mental health and with her ability to write revenge songs. “Taylor is so terrified Read More

Culture

Local Resident Thinks He’s at the Top of His Game

Biff Scuzzy 418 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Al Covington is the picture of confidence as he sits at a table outside the Iron Hill restaurant on a hot July afternoon. He glances occasionally at a passer-by between bites of his Jerry Garcia wood fired, artisanal pizza, and talks about his new attitude. “I’m definitely at the top of my game Read More

Technology

Norton Internet Security Now Refuses to Let Customers Uninstall

philmaggitti 409 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Norton Internet Security has quietly rolled out its you-can-check-out-any-time-you-like-but-you-can-never-leave uninstall policy. We learned about this new “safeguard” when we attempted to update our Java software and became the unsuspecting recipient of a free fifteen-day trial version of the Norton Guantanamo Ultimate Security Suite as well. We do not remember specifically asking to lease Read More

News

George Zimmerman Rescue Effort Criticized

philmaggitti 411 Views 3 min read

SANFORD, Fla.–George Zimmerman, recently acquitted of sixteen charges brought against him in the shooting death of an unarmed black youth, is now being criticized for fraudulent heroism. Six days ago Mr. Zimmerman, 29, helped to rescue a family of four trapped in a burning, overturned SUV, according to ABC News. Although national reports of the Read More

CultureReligion

Sex Scandal Rocks Christian Mingle: Breaking News

Chip Hilton 416 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – The massively popular dating site Christian Mingle has been rocked by a sex scandal. “Threesomes, foursomes, pedophilia, bestiality, anal sex, cock fingering, scat play, you name it and apparently ‘God will provide it’ through Christian Mingle,” said Pug Bus chief sex crimes investigator Warren T. Smith. “If god had a hand Read More

News

Detroit Bankruptcy Blamed on Shift in Autoeroticism Tastes

philmaggitti 438 Views 3 min read

DETROIT – The city of Detroit’s recent bankruptcy filing is owed in no small part to shifts in tastes among devotees of autoeroticism in the United States. Autoeroticism—the act of sexual congress with the tail pipe of an automobile—enjoyed a sustained spurt of popularity following the September 2006 release of Jackass 2, in which Dev-O gets Read More

Ass Hats

Stevie Wonder Wins Trayvon Martin Ass Hat Award

philmaggitti 428 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Racial harmony in the United States may not be receding in the rear view mirror of life so much as one might imagine in these post-Trayvon-Martin times. Ever since George Zimmerman became a free man last Saturday night, a Saturday Night fever has enveloped members of the Liberal classes—not to mention Read More

News

Post Office Will Issue Trayvon Martin Stamp

philmaggitti 458 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Trayvon Martin, whose only crime was winning a fight, will be a winner in death thanks to the United States Postal Service, which will issue a Trayvon Martin commemorative stamp on September 1. The handsome stamp, bearing the iconic likeness of Mr. Martin dressed in a hoodie, will be introduced at a Read More

Innerviews

Exclusive Interview with England’s Royal Fetus

philmaggitti 444 Views 3 min read

LONDON – Postcards from the Pug Bus has secured an exclusive interview with the Royal Fetus, which is expected to be delivered by Katherine the Duchess of Cambridge any day now. The circumstances of the interview remain cloaked in secrecy, but we can report that no Australian disk jockeys were involved in obtaining the interview, Read More

News

NSA Foils Massive Gettysburg Plot

Biff Scuzzy 466 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The National Security Agency (NSA) announced this morning that it had foiled “a massive terrorist plot” to disrupt the 150th reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg, held on July 4-7 at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. A spokesman for the embattled spy organization, speaking on condition of anonymity, told the Associated Press that the NSA Read More

Technology

Edward Snowden Is Seriously Becoming a Diva

philmaggitti 452 Views 2 min read

MOSCOW – Edward Snowden’s diva-like demands are responsible for his remaining sequestered in the transit zone of Moscow’s Sheremetyevo international airport. Mr. Snowden has been living in a Red Roof Inn executive suite there since arriving in Moscow from Hong Kong on July 23. According to sources close to the situation, Mr. Snowden, 30, could Read More

Ass Hats

Taco Bell Wins Asshat Award

philmaggitti 470 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. — We take no pleasure in bestowing this Asshat of the Moment award on Taco Bell, which recently bent over frontwards to accommodate a bunch of meddlesome old cunts of both sexes at the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI). Seems like those meddlesome old cunts started foaming at the Read More