postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
News

Irene Dumps Record Number of Cliches on East Coast

philmaggitti 440 Views 2 min read

PHILADELPHIA – As Hurricane Irene waddled up the East Coast Saturday night and Sunday morning–slower than Kirstie Alley climbing into her sitz bath–forecasters were predicting that Irene would surpass the record number of cliches spawned by Hurricane Floyd in 1999. “Floyd has been the gold standard for us,” said Chase Linderman, senior cliche tracker at Read More

News

Moammar Gadhafi Obsessed with Condoleeza Rice

Chip Hilton 419 Views 2 min read

TRIPOLI, Libya – The scene inside Moammar Gadhafi’s man cave in his Bab al-Aziziya compound looked like the centerfold of Beggar’s Banquet, only worse. Rebel soldiers, having discovered Mr. Gadhafi’s collection of adult toys, were not hesitating to model them (the cock rings) or attack each other with them (the butt plugs). Amidst all this sweaty Read More

News

Casey Anthony Jurors, Exclusive Sneak Preview and Personal Details

philmaggitti 396 Views 3 min read

ORLANDO, Fla. – The identities of the jurors who found Casey Anthony not guilty of murdering her two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, Caylee, will be made public tomorrow amid fears that they will be targeted for retribution by internet cranks, the grossly unappealing, the morbidly obese, and other social rejects who want “Justice for Caylee.” After a thirty-three-day Read More

Religion

National Debunking the Nativity Scene Day℠

philmaggitti 613 Views 7 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.–Despite chowder heads’ insistence that conflate means “to confuse,” conflate means “to combine two or more texts, ideas, or fanciful stories into one.” A case in point is the Nativity story, popular this time of year. It combines the stories of Jesus’ birth, which are found only in the gospels attributed to St. Matthew and Read More

News

Reese Witherspoon, William Shatner, Pat Robertson Birthday News

philmaggitti 458 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Reese Witherspoon, William Shatner, and Pat Robertson, are the winners of the Outback Steakhouse free celebrity birthday meals for this eighty-first day of 2006. According to the latest Outback-Reuters poll, Ms. Witherspoon, 30, Mr. Shatner, 75, and Mr. Robertson, 76, easily bested the likes of actor Karl Malden, 94, mime Marcel Read More

Politics

Thousands of Obamacare Exchange Shoppers Routed to Porn Site

philmaggitti 383 Views 1 min read

    WASHINGTON–The much-anticipated rollout of Obamacare had its lighter moments yesterday when thousands of Americans who went shopping for health-care coverage online were routed to a porn site instead. Administration officials acknowledged late last night that they were “aware of the situation” and were working to correct it. Meanwhile a spokesman for Health and Read More

Sporting Life

UConn Women a Huge Bust in the Neilsen Ratings

Biff Scuzzy 427 Views 2 min read

DAYTON, Ohio – The University of Connecticut’s women’s basketball team might be the best women’s team ever assembled, but their Neilsen ratings suck. According to the Nielsen overnights for the UConn-Florida State game last night—which the Lady Huskies won 90-50—more people watched the on-screen news crawl than the actual game. “The game had a 1.2 Read More

News

Corey Haim or Corey Feldman Found Dead of Drug Overdose

philmaggitti 483 Views 2 min read

      HOLLYWOOD – Actor Corey Haim, 38, or actor Corey Feldman, 38, was pronounced dead at Providence Saint Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, California, Wednesday morning after an apparent overdose. This according to a police spokesman. Police learned of the death, which occurred between 4 a.m. and 4:30 a.m. Wednesday, when staff at Read More

Music

Lil’ Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery

Biff Scuzzy 419 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK – Once again an attorney for Lil’ Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion’s jail sentencing for attempted gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request for a postponement because Lil’ Wayne needed eight root canals and complex dental-implant work. Read More

NewsReligion

Vatican Chorister Fingered in Gay Sex Scandal

philmaggitti 406 Views 2 min read

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican remained tight-lipped today following reports that a chorister was fired for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a papal gentleman-in-waiting. That gentleman, Angelo Balducci, was heard on a police wiretap negotiating with Thomas Chinedu Ehiem, a twenty-nine-year-old Vatican chorister, over the physical details of men he wanted brought to him. “I’ma Read More

Sporting Life

Ben Roethlisberger Fondles the Snapper

Biff Scuzzy 364 Views 2 min read

MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga. – A twenty-year-old college student has accused Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of sexually assaulting her at a nightclub early Friday morning. The student, whose name is being withheld by authorities, alleges that Mr. Roethlisberger placed his hands between her legs and bumped them against her suggestively several times. The alleged assault took Read More