postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Culture

Satire Site Reveals How to Tell When You’ve Had Sex

philmaggitti 461 Views 2 min read

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – Researchers at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University were gobsmacked to learn that people cannot agree on what they mean when they say they’ve “had sex.” This conclusion was reached following phone interviews with a random sample of 204 men and 282 women living in Indiana. The respondents ranged in age from Read More

Music

RIAA Sues Fetus as Accessory to Illegal Downloading

philmaggitti 447 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK — The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has lowered the bar in its war against music piracy. In a surprising legal maneuver the RIAA slapped a four-month-old fetus with a Baby Doe warrant for being an accessory to its mother’s illegal downloading of three Trout Fishing in America CDs and several other Read More

Music

Musicians Admit to Only Pretending to Like Pete Seeger

philmaggitti 443 Views 2 min read

Dave Matthews, Bruce Springsteen, and a host of musicians who have appeared with folk singer Pete Seeger during the last few years have admitted they were “only pretending to like” the ninety-year-old Seeger and his music. “At first we were like, who invited the old guy,” said one musician who did not wish to be Read More

Celebrities

Kirstie Alley Pimps Organic Scientology Diet on Oprah

Biff Scuzzy 355 Views 2 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Professional fat woman Kirstie Alley has emerged from the den where she hibernates with her bratwurst during the winter. Ms. Alley hauled her sagging, cellulite-ridden, 230-pound ass onto the Oprah show last week to pimp her newest weight-loss program: Organic Liaison. We’re not certain whether this is Orca Girl’s fifth, sixth, or tenth weight-loss program, Read More

News

Did SeaWorld Trainer Dawn Brancheau Commit Suicide?

philmaggitti 399 Views 1 min read

ORLANDO – As SeaWorld prepares to reintroduce its Dancing with Killer Whales program this weekend, rumors have begun rising, like tiny bubbles of blood to the surface of the water, regarding the mind set of orca trainer Dawn Brancheau, who died a public and agonizing death on Wednesday. According to a former co-worker, Ms. Brancheau, Read More

Music

Klaus Harmony Tribute Band Will Rock 2011 Super Bowl

philmaggitti 431 Views 2 min read

A German Klaus Harmony tribute band calling themselves the Wondercrotchens is scheduled to rock the 2011 Super Bowl, according to a National Football League spokesperson. Their appearance will mark the first ever performance by a tribute band at the Super Bowl. “We have featured every aging rock group who could still wheel themselves on stage,” Read More

News

Patrick Kennedy Retires to Spend More Time on Facebook

philmaggitti 415 Views 2 min read

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Patrick Joseph Kennedy II, who has represented Rhode Island’s 1st congressional district since 1995, announced earlier this week that he would not seek reelection. Mr. Kennedy, 42, has wrestled with alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and drug abuse, both recreational and prescription, since his student days at Rhode Island Community College. As some of Read More

Culture

Michelle Obama Taps Barbie Doll for Anti-Obesity Campaign

philmaggitti 405 Views 2 min read

        WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Barbie doll turns fifty-one today, and First Lady Michelle Obama noted the occasion by announcing that Barbie would serve as the official spokesperson for the White House’s anti-childhood-obesity campaign. “If America’s young people looked more like Barbie and Ken, and less like Jack and Kelly Osbourne,” said the Read More

Celebrities

Charlie Sheen Questioned about His Missing Mercedes

Chip Hilton 438 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Actor Charlie Sheen is “a person of interest” in the brutal attack on his Mercedes-Benz, according to Los Angeles police. The 2009 Mercedes, a four-door black sedan, was found on its roof at the bottom of a four-hundred-foot ravine near Mr. Sheen’s Hollywood home yesterday afternoon. When Mr. Sheen reported the car Read More

Technology

Toyota Recalling 250,000 Owners in the United States

philmaggitti 405 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Concerned about the increasing rate of “irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior” exhibited by too many drivers, Toyota announced today that it is recalling 250,000 U.S. owners of RAV4, Corolla, Matrix, Avalon, Camry,Highlander, and Tundra models. “We have notified these persons by registered mail,” said Dennis E. Hamlin, vice president and general counsel Read More

News

Viagra Vision Loss Blamed in Senior Citizen Fire

philmaggitti 453 Views 3 min read

EXTON, Penna. – A seventy-two-year-old man set fire to his apartment in the Sunrise Acres retirement facility last night after he had tried to light a candle but ignited the drapes instead. Gerald DeHaven told police he had taken Viagra about an hour before accidentally starting the blaze that destroyed the drapes and a futon Read More

Celebrities

Tila Tequila Shuts Down Her Twitter Account

Chip Hilton 423 Views 2 min read

 HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – Reality television star Tila Tequila has canceled her Twitter account after telling her 309,980 followers that “Twitter is full of nothing but the most hateful devil worshippers, terrorists, racists, and fat people that I have ever seen! Twitter is bad. My true fans know where to find me.” Before leaving Twitter, Ms. Read More