postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Politics

President Obama Vows to Take On Gravity Shortfall

philmaggitti 404 Views 4 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama warned yesterday that the United States faces “a critical shortfall of gravity” brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past. “The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly 60 percent of its gravity,” the president explained. “The air travel involved Read More

Blog

Chapter 1: Divine Intervention Strikes Twice

philmaggitti 554 Views 9 min read

On a warm Sunday afternoon in April 1990, I was sitting on a hillside in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, watching a timber race, when god spoke to me. Because more people claim to be familiar with the voice of god than with timber races, I should explain that the latter are jumping races in which a Read More

News

Pope Benedict Will Visit West Chester, Pennsylvania

philmaggitti 434 Views 2 min read

Special to the Pug Bus from T.J. Eckleburg WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Pope Benedict XVI will visit West Chester, Pennsylvania, Wednesday evening, a member of the pope’s entourage has confirmed. According to the pope’s traveling appointments secretary, Cardinal Alfonso Dente, “His Holiness is eager to see the mystery horse on the estate of Postcards from Read More

Ass Hats

Hillary’s Gal Pal Elton Is Ass Hat of the Moment

philmaggitti 429 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Hillary Clinton’s gal pal Elton John is the latest recipient of the Postcards from the Pug Bus Ass Hat of the Moment award. Mr. John—a portly, overbearing, needy little monstrosity in carnival drag—has long been more famous for his emotional outbursts, compulsive shopping, and substance abuse than for his melodies. (Think Read More

Technology

Mobile Phone Virus Threatens United States

Biff Scuzzy 437 Views 3 min read

SAN FRANCISCO – Cabir, the first in-the-wild mobile phone virus discovered in the United States, is set to wreak havoc on the lives of teen-agers, SUV drivers, and text-messaging office workers across the land. Appearing on Larry King Live yesterday, Verizon’s James Earl Jones hinted that Cabir may be the latest Al-Qaeda attempt to undermine truth, justice, Read More

Music

Recent Klaus Harmony Sightings Fuel Speculation

philmaggitti 472 Views 3 min read

LONDON – What is it about a dead genius which attracts such frenzied speculation? Examine the myths surrounding any icon and a conspiracy theory is never far away. Never was this more true than in the case of Klaus Harmony, the German maestro of erotik cinema or, as he is more popularly known, the “Mozart Read More

Politics

Hillary Clinton Vows to Court Biracial Vote in New Hampshire

philmaggitti 379 Views 1 min read

CORNISH, NH—Hillary Clinton told customers at a local diner this morning that she regrets not being “more aggressive” in courting the biracial vote during the year-and-a-half run up to the Iowa presidential caucuses. “We underestimated the potential of the biracial vote in Iowa,” said Ms. Clinton. “We didn’t reach out to people of mixed racial Read More

Celebrities

Jamie Lynn Spears Home Pregnancy Test on eBay

Chip Hilton 441 Views 2 min read

BUMFUCH, La. – The Jamie Lynn Spears’ home pregnancy test that was run up the eBay flagpole on Wednesday might be run back down before it’s had a chance to spread its wings. Listed on eBay’s wildly popular White Trash Souvenirs and Geegaws section, the test was found—according to its seller, Buster McCullouch (positive rating Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Hires Illegal Alien Frappuccino Caddy

Chip Hilton 409 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears has hired a full-time Frappuccino caddy in an effort to convince California child welfare authorities that she is serious about regaining custody of her sons, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1. Unfortunately, the star of Chaotic may have hired an illegal alien. According to documents obtained by THEM Weekly, the Frap caddy hired Read More

News

Porsche Denies Plans to Release Nikki Catsouras Model

Biff Scuzzy 421 Views 2 min read

ATLANTA – A spokesman for Porsche Cars North America denies that his company has “any plans whatsoever” to introduce a limited edition Nikki Catsouras 911 Carrera model. “This [rumor] is vile and detestable,” said Dieter von Richthofen, director of public information for Porsche (porsh-uh). “I don’t know how this kind of thing gets started—I suppose Read More

Music

RIAA Wants Record Labels to Limit Home CD Use

philmaggitti 475 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as “the single greatest secret threat” to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that record labels take steps to limit the number of times a CD can be played in the home. RIAA President Read More