postcards from the pug bus

MALIBU – Britney Spears is writing a self-help book in order to prevent “childrens everywhere” from making the same mistakes she’s made since her ill-advised, fifty-five-hour Las Vegas “marriage” nearly four years ago. “I wisht somebody had of told me when I was a kid not to drive around without a license and not to Read More

NORTH BERGEN, N.J. – George Clooney’s health records contain some personally embarrassing information, said a hospital health worker who was suspended after taking a secret peek at Mr. Clooney’s private annals. “Persistent hemorrhoids, acute situational incontinence, chronic erectile dysfunction, projectile flatulence, pubic boils—there’s more to George Clooney than meets the eye or ear,” said Cheryl Read More

OUTBACK, Utah – Recently clean actress Lindsay Lohan has narrowed her college choices to Harvard and Rochville universities, a spokesperson for the I Know Who Killed Me star said yesterday. “Despite what nearly everybody thinks, Lindsay is an incredibly bright girl when she’s sober; and now that she is sober, she wants to have the college experience she gave Read More

MALIBU – Britney Spears’ obsession with Princess Diana has Ms. Spears’ few remaining friends concerned. They fear the frazzled pop star may be planning to harm herself in some dramatic way in order to mimic the princess’ death. “We didn’t think nothing much about it when Britney ditched her Carol Channing wig for a Princess Read More

LOS ANGELES – A copy of the written driving test Britney Spears passed in order to obtain a temporary license has been leaked to THEM Weekly magazine. The magazine was unable to learn Ms. Spears’ actual score on the test, but a representative for the troubled singer said she had passed the test by telling the examiner Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Britney Spears has been stripped of her citizenship, the White House revealed this morning. President Bush took this rare, but not unprecedented, step when he signed an executive order relieving Ms. Spears of her citizenship at 8:59 last evening, just before he retired for the night. “Presidents are reluctant to invoke this Read More