postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Music

Nicole Kidman Outfits Keith Urban with Alcohol Monitor

Chip Hilton 469 Views 2 min read

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Nicole Kidman has fitted her alcoholic husband Keith Urban with a microchip, hoping to accomplish with technology what she couldn’t accomplish with sex, mandatory rehab, or pregnancy threats. The device, a transponder actually, was implanted between Mr. Urban’s shoulder blades before he embarked on his O’Doul’s Amber Waves of Grain Tour last Read More

Technology

Microsoft to Begin Shipping Windows Linux Ubuntu

philmaggitti 439 Views 2 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – Software giant Microsoft announced yesterday that it will begin shipping its newest operating system, Windows Linux Ubuntu, by the end of this month. Computers sold with this free, open-source operating system pre-installed will cost, on average, $149.95 fewer than computers sold with Windows Vista Service Pack 9 pre-installed. Microsoft’s announcement caught computer-industry Read More

NewsPolitics

Immigration Rallies Marred by Disappointing Flag Sales

philmaggitti 414 Views 2 min read

DENVER – Immigration rallies held across the United States yesterday failed to attract the large crowds that marked last year’s events or to generate the healthy sales of American flags seen last year. In Denver, for example, 75,000 people marched in 2006, but only ten thousand demonstrated yesterday, said organizers, while Denver police put the Read More

Politics

Al Gore Says Breast Feeding Deters Global Warming

Biff Scuzzy 417 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Former vice president Al Gore believes breast feeding can play a significant role in deterring the rise of global warming. Speaking yesterday afternoon at the Earth Institute’s annual solar picnic in New York’s Central Park, Mr. Gore declared, “If one out of two mothers in developed countries were to breast feed their Read More

CelebritiesSporting Life

Lindsay Lohan Falls in NFL Draft

Chip Hilton 404 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Lindsay Lohan, once considered the potential number one pick in this year’s NFL draft, lingered on the board yesterday like a dingleberry on a donkey’s butt until she was finally selected by the Cleveland Browns with the twenty-second pick in the first round. Questions about Ms. Lohan’s work ethic, intelligence, and her Read More

Music

Sheryl Crow’s Cat Demands More Litter Paper

philmaggitti 382 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Sheryl Crow’s cat, Biodiesel, has gone missing, apparently in protest over the singer’s stingy attitude regarding the paper in his litter pan. Sources close to Biodiesel told Cat Fancy magazine that the five-year-old neutered male had become despondent after Ms. Crow had replaced his normal litter with a few scraps of cut-up old newspaper Read More

News

Virginia Tech Shooter Sued by RIAA for Illegal Downloads

philmaggitti 393 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – The estate of Cho Seung-Hui, the former Virginia Tech student who killed thirty-two people last week, has been sued by the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America ) for illegally downloading more than ten thousand songs. The $100-million suit, $10,000 per song times ten thousand songs, is believed to be the largest Read More

Technology

Microsoft Offers Windows Vista Free to Good Homes

philmaggitti 395 Views 2 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – Microsoft announced yesterday that it will offer surplus upgrade copies of its newest operating system, Windows Vista, “free to good homes.” An official at Microsoft said the company had decided to take this unprecedented step because there are too many copies of Vista upgrades getting underfoot and running up boarding fees in Read More

News

Virginia Tech Shootings Prompt NRA to Arm College Students

philmaggitti 396 Views 3 min read

FAIRFAX, Vir. – The shootings at Virginia Tech University this week have inspired the NRA (National Rifle Association) to draft a plan to prevent similar mass murders on college campuses. The NRA proposal, called No Student Left Unarmed, would require every college student in the United States to carry the firearm of his or her Read More

Celebrities

Britney Spears Denies That She’s Broke

Chip Hilton 420 Views 2 min read

MALIBU – Britney Spears is broke. Months of non-stop drinking and shopping, coupled with binge eating, purging, and serious brown Persian heroin and cocaine abuse have depleted her resources; and now the former pop star, 25, has finally gone belly up, insiders say. “Britney just don’t work no more,” said Ms. Spears’ cousin Allie. “I Read More

Politics

Governor Jon Corzine Crash Site Memorial Grows

Biff Scuzzy 418 Views 3 min read

GALLOWAY TOWNSHIP, N.J. – When New Jersey governor Jon Corzine was bouncing around inside his official SUV about six o’clock last Thursday night, like a rag doll in a Kenmore dryer, he couldn’t know that the site of his accident, Mile Marker 43.5 on the Garden State Parkway, would become the latest shrine erected by Read More