postcards from the pug bus

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Today we celebrate National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day in memory of that time when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim. No man worth his Bushy Beavers subscription can forget where he was when he learned that a woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, had tried to kill her Read More

Baltimore, MD—Mayor Bernard “Jack” Young urged citizens not to park near white vans because “evil, evil people in white vans” are trolling the city searching for young women to enslave, force into prostitution, and murder, before selling their body parts, the ones that haven’t been worn out by prostitution, to Dark Web laboratories. “We’re getting Read More

Few activities enrage feminists more than side-saddle riding. We’re talking horses, now, not some perverse spin on scissoring. Feminists of every sort—classic, non-binary, echo [sic], inter sectional, intercollegiate, separatist, and beard wearing—lose their shit at the sight of a female sitting side saddle on a horse, even though The Spectator has declared it “practical, fashionable … and Read More

Small Town America, who doesn’t love it … or at least the idea of it? Tree-lined streets with a church on every third corner; impish, tow-headed children on loan from a Norman Rockwell painting; no need to lock the doors at night or at any other time. Bliss, for sure, but with all the recent Read More

The Ten Commandments are a clusterfuck, badly in need of prioritizing. Does skipping church on Sunday really deserve to be on the same list as killing somebody? Should muttering the occasional “Jesus H. Christ” be mentioned in the same breath as stealing? We say no, goddammit, but let us not judge the 10Cs too harshly. Read More

It’s a 1970s game show, a 1932 movie, and a late 1920s marketing ploy designed to bait people into using more matches. It’s three on a match, that’s what it is, Skippy, and today is its national celebration day. The three-on-a-match superstition—if three soldiers lit their cigarettes from the same match, the third soldier on Read More

Al Gore is rightly celebrated as the “father of the Internet,” but few people know that he is also the “father of the toilet cam,” whose praises we sing today. The former vice president confessed at the American Library Association’s (ALA) fall meeting in Boston last week that he invented the toilet cam and that Read More

Do you remember what you were doing when Beatle George Harrison died eighteen years ago today? Of course not. Most people don’t remember what they were doing when “The Quiet Beatle” was alive. That’s how quiet and in over his head he was. Sure, he’d have made a serviceable rhythm guitarist, but John Lennon was Read More

The never-ending resistance to the nanny state and to soccer moms everywhere is marked by small but sustaining victories. Folding, spindling, or mutilating where prohibited. Sending contraband through the mail. Swapping prices on items in the supermarket. Little things mean a lot. One massive little thing in the war against those who would tell us Read More

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Apple CEO Tim Cook has a major surprise up his sleeve, at very least, as Apple throws its support behind National Butt Plug Day. “The iPlug, a combination thumb drive and butt plug, will be rolled out today,” said an inside source at Apple. “Expect Tim to be wearing one at today’s launch.” Read More

WILMINGTON, De.—What better way to observe National Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day than by having lunch at a tony restaurant with a confirmed handicapped-parking-sticker cheat? We’ll call him Ralph. He is one of a notorious breed of white-collar hipster criminal: the handicapped-parking-sticker cheat. You can find him from Boston to Baha, parking illegally is a Read More