postcards from the pug bus

Al Gore is rightly celebrated as the “father of the Internet,” but few people know that he is also the “father of the toilet cam,” whose praises we sing today. The former vice president confessed at the American Library Association’s (ALA) fall meeting in Boston last week that he invented

Do you remember what you were doing when Beatle George Harrison died eighteen years ago today? Of course not. Most people don’t remember what they were doing when “The Quiet Beatle” was alive. That’s how quiet and in over his head he was. Sure, he’d have made a serviceable rhythm

The never-ending resistance to the nanny state and to soccer moms everywhere is marked by small but sustaining victories. Folding, spindling, or mutilating where prohibited. Sending contraband through the mail. Swapping prices on items in the supermarket. Little things mean a lot. One massive little thing in the war against

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Apple CEO Tim Cook has a major surprise up his sleeve, at very least, as Apple throws its support behind National Butt Plug Day. “The iPlug, a combination thumb drive and butt plug, will be rolled out today,” said an inside source at Apple. “Expect Tim to be

WILMINGTON, De.—What better way to observe National Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day than by having lunch at a tony restaurant with a confirmed handicapped-parking-sticker cheat? We’ll call him Ralph. He is one of a notorious breed of white-collar hipster criminal: the handicapped-parking-sticker cheat. You can find him from Boston to

WEST CHESTER, PA—Although we celebrate National Kick the Cat Day, we do not advocate kicking cats literally; and we hasten to assure you that no cats were harmed during the writing of this monograph. We celebrate, instead, the existential notion of “kicking the cat” as a means of relieving stress,

WEST CHESTER, PA—It may be impossible to be too rich or too thin, but it is possible to have too much titty. More than a mouthful is a waste, for sure, and over-endowed women whose bra straps have dug ruts into their shoulders seek more than 90,000 breast reductions each year in

WEST CHESTER, PA—Good things come to those who wait and to those who can wait to come. Bad things, unfortunately, are the fate of the one in five men between the ages of eighteen and fifty-nine who suffer from the social scourge of premature ejaculation (PE), which is also the most common

WEST CHESTER, PA—Today our divided nation unites in the observation of National Blivit Day. According to Reader’s Digest, where blivit first appeared in a 1945 column called “Humor in Uniform,” a blivit was originally defined as “ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag.” The bag, either cloth or paper, was used by

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Before we fusilade the fireworks in celebration of National Earworm Day, we must observe that said day is the only national day (so far) to have it own patron saint. That’s right all Catholic, Anglican, and Lutheran boys and girls suffering from an earworm, a scrap of a

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) will issue a two-finger proclamation sometime today, declaring that (1) January 3 will henceforth and hereinafter be known as National AARP Senior Sperm Day and (2) sperm samples provided by men older than fifty-five will compete in a seniors division in laboratory