postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . Only Jesus pardons more than Joe Biden . . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . .
Blog

The Rolling Stones Should Shrivel Up and Die

philmaggitti 490 Views 3 min read

Dear Mick, Keith, Charlie, and the Other Guy,I have learned recently that you stinking geezers will be touring next year. Please don’t. In the name of all that’s wrinkled, wizened, and way past its prime—namely you sorry git—take a minute to stop and think about what you’re doing. You look like shite; you sound like Read More

Celebrities

Paul McCartney Has Sticker Shock Following Divorce

philmaggitti 412 Views 2 min read

LONDON – Friends of ex-Beatle Paul McCartney, 65, report that he is “near suicidal” over the terms of his divorce settlement with former wife number two, Heather Mills, 40. It isn’t the $49 million buzz-off payment that he’ll miss, say friends, it’s the lifetime handicapped parking sticker that Ms. Mills enjoys as a result of Read More

Music

Jerry Garcia, Grateful Dead Stash Sells High

philmaggitti 501 Views 3 min read

SAN FRANCISCO – An attic’s worth of memories associated with the Grateful Dead or its leader, Jerry Garcia, fetched high dollar at auction Tuesday. According to Bonhams & Butterfields Auctioneers, enthusiastic Grateful Dead fans, “many of whom appeared to be in an altered state of consciousness,” spent more than $10.1 million for items ranging from Read More

Music

Rod Stewart Sings Frank Sinatra Jr. Songbook

philmaggitti 461 Views 5 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—British rocker Rod Stewart was born seventy-two years ago today. American singer Francis Wayne Sinatra (a/k/a/ “Frank Sinatra Jr”), who died last year at the age of seventy-one, was also born on January 10. To celebrate that coincidence, Mr. Stewart released a free-to-download CD of Frank Jr’s “best loved songs” early this morning—along Read More

Religion

God Throws Shade on Rainbow Bridge Myth

philmaggitti 475 Views 4 min read

HEAVEN – Pet owners took one in the shorts today when The Lord God Almighty issued a press release in which He questioned the existence of the Rainbow Bridge, a mythical place just this side of heaven where deceased pets “are made young and healthy again” while they wait for their owners to join them. Read More

Culture

San Francisco to Host Young Trannies Beauty Pageant

philmaggitti 451 Views 2 min read

SAN FRANCISCO—On Valentine’s Day the Bay Area Gender Benders will host the first annual JonBenét Ramsey Young Trannies Beauty Pageant. Open to innocent children between the ages of four and eight, the Young Trannies pageant will feature talent, fancy dress, and self-defense competitions. “It’s never too early to foster positive gender images or to let Read More

News

Trump Praises Pug Bus for Official English Policy

Biff Scuzzy 409 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK—President-elect Donald Trump said yesterday that he wants to see English become the official language in all fifty states. Currently English is the official language in thirty-two states, which require that state government business be conducted in English. “We must not allow ourselves to become a nation of Babels, like Canada, or Hawaii, which Read More

CultureReligion

Facebook Presents the Twelve Genders of Christmas

philmaggitti 481 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—Facebook is a festering boil on the right butt cheek of humanity, largely because Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is a sushi-loving Nancy boy who squats to pee. Not content with giving Fuck Bookers forty-nine more gender choices (fifty-on) than they needed (two), Zipper Boy stuffed twenty additional gender choices up the alt-right’s ass. Read More

The Grammar Prick

Trump Appoints Grammar Prick to New Cabinet Post

Biff Scuzzy 469 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President-elect Donald J. Trump has appointed the Grammar Prick to the newly created cabinet post of Secretary of Grammar and Usage, which will replace the moribund Department of Education. Mr. Prick is legendary for his animadversions against those who violate the rules of polite discourse, spoken or written. His work is featured exclusively on Read More

Politics

Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars

philmaggitti 398 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK—D’Aryll Scott-Jones, HMFIC of Black Lives Matter, called for immediate boycotts yesterday of all websites “that allow white supremacists to hide behind blank, lily-white avatars in their comments sections.” Mr. Scott-Jones made his remarks to National Public Radio’s Terri Gross. “White avatars allow bigoted crackers to spew their venom while hiding in plain sight,” Read More