postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

. . . . . "The truth is hate to those who hate the truth." (Stormfront) . . . . . too many presenters on YouTube have faces made for radio . . . . . "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” (Eleanor Roosevelt) . . . . . a level playing field lifts no boats . . . . . the best arguments against reincarnation are first grade and first wives . . . . . familiarity breeds . . . . . whether you think you can or you can't, you're right . . . . . song stuck in local man's head wants out . . . . . the unexamined life is not worth examining . . . . . well begun is, well, begun . . . . . if it's statistically impossible, it's impossible . . . . . no one gives a shit about your pronouns . . . . . as one gets old, old times' sake is the only sake left . . . . . less is more only if more is out to lunch . . . . . "Bitches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks / Lick on these nuts and suck the d*ck." (Snoop Dogg)
Weed

Pot Is Dead

philmaggitti 471 Views 2 min read

If Nietzsche were alive today, he would have to declare, “Pott ist tot.” Pot is dead. In Nietzsche’s time, as in ours, these sorts of uber deaths occur long before most people notice. Indeed, there are still worshipers who attend church on Sunday even though god has been dead an

News

Obesity-Causing Virus Found on Toilet Seats

philmaggitti 428 Views 2 min read

BATON ROUGE—A virus commonly found on toilet seats (TS-36) may be at the bottom of the obesity epidemic threatening to engulf the United States and to put a morbid strain on its gravity supply. Until now obesity was thought to be caused largely by overeating, prolonged residence below the Mason-Dixon

News

Dishing with the HMFIC of National Penultimate Day℠

Chip Hilton 516 Views 2 min read

Our culture is obsessed with going the extra mile, giving 110 percent, leaving it all on the field. Supermarkets are open 24/7/365 to satisfy our shopping needs from A-to-Z, while athletes routinely crow about taking their games to a whole ‘nother level. Into the midst of this maelstrom, like the

Sporting Life

Dab Rig Manufacturer Issues Refunds for Kaepernick Model

Biff Scuzzy 425 Views 1 min read

SAN FRANCISCO—Rigs-R-Us, the nation’s leading manufacturer of “smoking enhancement technology for the socially conscious,” offered refunds today to any customers who bought a Colin Kaepernick Puffco Peak dab rig that would not start. The Kaepernick model ($399.99 MSRP), was introduced to coincide with the start of the National Football League

Politics

BLM Declares National White Chocolate Day Racist

philmaggitti 415 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—Black Lives Matter (BLM) plans to interrupt tail-gaiting parties at several NFL games this afternoon to protest the celebration of National White Chocolate Day, observed each year on September 22. BLM Minister of Information Rashieel Watson-Korengi told Postcards from the Pug Bus that the protests were long overdue.

Culture

SPAM to Introduce Edible Swimwear During Fashion Week

Chip Hilton 406 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK—Hormel Foods, makers of Spam, announced yesterday that it has added edible swimwear to the ever-growing catalog of novelty gift items made in the image and likeness of the popular foodstuff. According to Hormel’s chief information officer, Gloria Silverman, “SPAM swimwear is the first item in what is expected

Book of DazeNews

Pug Bus Service Marks National Penultimate Day℠

philmaggitti 514 Views 2 min read

The National Penultimate Day℠ campaign, launched recently by Postcards from the Pug Bus, took a giant step toward gravitas yesterday when Postcards’ editor in briefs Phil Maggitti applied for service mark registration for the name National Penultimate Day℠. “Good service marks make good movements,” chortled Mr. Maggitti, noting that soon the

Book of Daze

Pug Bus Launches National Penultimate Day Campaign

philmaggitti 434 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s least influential web site, today launched its National Penultimate Day campaign by sending a Bewerbungsschreiben to the National Day Calendar requesting that December 30 each year be designated National Penultimate Day. Phil Maggitti, Pug Bus editor in briefs, who sometimes writes under the

Culture

Walmart Intruduces CBD-Infused Dental Dams

Biff Scuzzy 1283 Views 1 min read

NEW YORK—Walmart Inc [NYSE: WMT, 116.92, ▲ 0.90 (0.78%)] announced yesterday that it will begin selling CBD-infused dental dams in all its retail outlets by September 25. The move is seen by industry analysts as an attempt to boost dental dam sales—an attempt, if you will, to encourage Walmart customers

Culture

How Millennials Can Tell If They’ve Had Sex

philmaggitti 416 Views 2 min read

BLOOMINGTON, Ind.—Researchers at the Kinsey Institute of Sex and Public Policy at Indiana University report that millennials cannot agree on what they mean when they say they’ve “had sex.” This conclusion was based on phone interviews with a random sample of 204 men and 282 women born between 1983 and

News

President Trump Vows to Make GPS Great Again

Biff Scuzzy 433 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump announced this morning that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorism and the rash of travelers who wound up as many as five hundred miles off course after

Book of Daze

National Just Because Day

philmaggitti 397 Views 1 min read

Today is National Just Because Day, an opportunity “to do something without rhyme or reason,” according to the folks at National Day Calendar, who suggest we celebrate by getting that outfit we’ve been admiring at the mall or using a vacation day to go fishing or singing at the top

BlogPolitics

Don’t Call Me a White Person Anymore

philmaggitti 461 Views 2 min read

Recently I was informed by the entrail readers at 23&Me that I am 1/500 sub-Saharan African or any other non-white subgroup. I was delighted by this revelation. In one small but insignificant stroke my street cred went up, as did my “offensive” explanations for my curly hair and fondness for

Innerviews

Conversation with Man Whose Shit Doesn’t Stink

philmaggitti 451 Views 5 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A twenty-five-year-old local man whose shit literally does not stink blames his rare condition for ruining his life. The unfortunate man—whom we will call “Helado,” the Spanish word for “ice cream”—told us his story over lunch at the Iron Hill Brewery last week. That story was