Celebrities

Paula Abdul Remains on American Idol for Now

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BEVERLY HILLS – An embattled Paula Abdul will still be in the judge’s seat, at least for the time being, when production begins in August on a new round of American Idol shows.

Despite allegations of sexual improprieties—and conduct unbecoming a judge—with 2003 finalist Corey Clark, Abdul, 42, will be involved in American Idol when the first auditions for the show’s new series are held on August 18. This does not mean, however, that she is off the hook completely.

Fox Entertainment president Peter Liguori announced yesterday that Fox had retained an independent counsel to investigate the allegations against Abdul, but he doesn’t expect a final report before the August 18 auditions at the Cow Palace in San Francisco.

Liguori declined to identify the independent counsel, nor would he confirm that an Idol judge could be disbarred for having sex with a contestant. He did say that, if necessary, guest judges could be added to the show to complete the season. The most prominent names that have been mentioned as replacements for Abdul are Robert Redford, Pauly Shore, Kimberly Stewart, J.K. Rowling, and Hillary Duff.

Abdul’s troubles began in May when Clark, 24, appeared on ABC’s Primetime Live and sang about his relationship with her. According to Clark, Abdul initiated the relationship when she kissed him in her car after driving him home one night.

Abdul, who augments her judge’s salary from American Idol by chauffeuring contestants to and from their homes, maintains that she often kisses contestants “to put them at their ease.”

        Clark further alleges that during a subsequent meeting at Abdul’s Hollywood Hills mansion, she kissed him on his neck, which led to their becoming intimate. To bolster his account of the alleged relationship with Abdul, Clark has produced a bottle of prescription cough medicine, made out to Abdul, which she gave him for his throat, cell phone records of calls to her number, and a recording on his answering machine. In that recording, a voice that sounds like Abdul’s warns Clark to say “absolutely nothing” to reporters about their relationship.

Show business insiders believe Abdul will most likely be retained on American Idol for. To begin, Clark is a certifiable whack job. He was kicked off the show after producers learned he had failed to disclose that he had been arrested in a domestic dispute with his sister. In addition, Clark was cited recently for misdemeanor battery after throwing breakfast plates at his record company manager, Laura Kathleen Troy, who had criticized his performance of the night before.

Apart from Clark’s tendency to go Russell Crowe when angered, Abdul is sure to garner sympathy for her twenty-five-year struggle against a rare, difficult-to-diagnose condition. According to Abdul’s private internist, Sydney Lumberra, M.D., “Paula suffers from paradoxical complex, simple regional-and-local pain syndrome (PCSRLPS). Because little is known about this syndrome, Paula has been treated for everything from Lyme disease to shingles, bubonic arthritis to gran pleneria loptosis, all without success. She has been given pain killers, mood elevators, anti-depressants, and industrial strength laxatives—each of which has altered her mindset at one time or another.”

When PCSRLPS strikes, the only effective way to lessen the ache in the affected region is by exercising that area regularly. This method of treatment can be a blessing or a curse. It was a blessing in Abdul’s case when her legs began throbbing in her teen-age years and she used that pain as the motivation to become one of Hollywood’s most accomplished dancers.

        After years of dancing had finally left Abdul free of pain in her legs, she was stricken with a dull, persistent throbbing in her buttocks. To combat that feeling she sought a socially responsible activity that would require large amounts of sitting while still keeping her in the public eye. The America Idol show appeared to be a just what the doctor had ordered, until the pain began to migrate in a personal direction and Abdul had no recourse but to engage in sex three times a day—alone or with others—in order to free herself of pain.

“Paula confided this to Corey Clark, who told her he would always be there for her” said Lumberra, “but little did she know he meant that literally. He took advantage of her when she was at her most vulnerable. None of the other people whom Paula turned to for help did that. As for his threatening to describe the genital wart she has in the shape of Mr. Peanut, the less said about that the better.”

After her medicinal affair with Clark in 2003, Abdul tried experimental medication, which left her pain-free but which also brought on bouts of irrationality. During one of these bouts last December, when she was driving on the L.A. freeway, she sideswiped another vehicle and sped away, something she swears she never would have done had it not been for the medication.

In other news, George W. Bush is expected to appoint John Bolton as special envoy to the United Nations the minute that Congress goes on its annual recess. Bush told the nation on his weekly radio address yesterday that Bolton had earned the appointment by watching The Interpreter at least twice and by writing a five-hundred-word essay on the organizational structure of the U.N.”    

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