LOS ANGELES – The photographer who filed suit against Jennifer Aniston last December for “wantonly exposing her breasts” in her backyard, thereby interfering with his ability to earn a living, has dropped his suit after agreeing to “an undisclosed financial settlement” from Ms. Aniston.
Ms. Aniston also agreed that if she appears topless in any unfenced setting in the future, she will shield at least her nipples with a black rectangle.
According to the attractive nuisance suit filed by photog-
rapher Peter Brandt’s attorney in Los Angeles, Mr. Brandt, 53, was standing on a public street roughly one thousand feet from Ms. Aniston’s Hollywood Hills residence in mid-November.
Mr. Brandt, who was working on assignment from National Geographic at the time, was hoping to get shots of Ms. Aniston with Vince Vaughn for a Geographic piece about celebrity mating habits. He claimed that Ms. Aniston’s failure to erect a fence around her backyard constitutes a “willful and malicious creation of an attractive nuisance.”
“If you’re going to traipse around topless, you ought to have a fence around your yard,” he said. “I did not trespass. I did not ask to see her [breasts]. They just happened to bounce into my lens.”
Mr. Brandt claimed he had his Nikon D2X trained on Ms. Aniston’s unfenced yard when she emerged from her house naked from the waist up.
“When I saw her come out topless,” Mr. Brandt said, “I thought, ‘Oh, God, this is not what I want; this is not what people want to buy or look at.'”
Mr. Brandt claimed he was so flustered by the sight of Ms. Aniston’s “perky, rose-tipped” breasts that his hands began to shake, blurring the resulting photos and rendering them worthless.
“They’re so blurred you can’t really tell whose glorious, supple [breasts] they are,” he said.
CNN’s Nancy Grace excoriated Ms. Aniston for reaching a settlement with Mr. Brandt.
“He’s clearly guilty of felony sexual harassment and making terroristic threats with a digital, phallic like instrument,” said Ms. Grace. “By agreeing to reimburse that sleaze for the market value of his photos, Jennifer has done a disservice to all women with breasts worth looking at.”
Court TV‘s Roger Cossack disagreed.
“What was Brandt supposed to do, avert his eyes?” said Cossack. “If he’s guilty of sexual harassment, the people who stopped to stare at Jennifer are peeping toms.”
Next Oprah: Are Your Breasts Ready for Prime Time?
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
