PENNSAUKEN, N.J. – Police are searching for a pair of 38-D breast implants obtained under false pretenses earlier this month. The breasts were lifted from the Route 70 Center for Plastic Surgery by a thirty-year-old, red-headed woman who used a bogus ID to pay the first of three, easy $4,000 installments for body and fender work that included the missing breast implants, liposuction, and mustache removal.
The dispatcher at the Route 70 Center for Plastic Surgery became suspicious earlier this week after the perpetrator had failed to keep a scheduled appointment for a routine follow-up visit and complimentary bikini wax. When the dispatcher tried to contact the woman, the scam was discovered.
A Pennsauken police department spokesperson said the woman faces charges of commercial burglary, grand theft, identity theft, and failure to keep a doctor’s appointment without giving twenty-four hours’ notice. The department plans to “paper the tri-state area” with posters of the stolen hooters.
Defending this unusual measure, the spokesperson said, “There’s no point in posting her photo because she didn’t use her real name.”
Anyone who sees a pair of suspicious-looking breasts is cautioned not to approach them, the spokesperson said. “Don’t try to be a hero. Just call 1-800-BIG-ONES, and we’ll handle things from there.”
The woman, who stand 5’3″ and weighs 110 pounds, is believed to be in the company of a man wanted for using a false ID to obtain a penis enlargement.
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