NEW YORK – Robert Chambers Jr., whom you may remember as the “Preppy Killer,” told police last night that the drugs found in the apartment he shares with his long-time companion, Shawn Kovell, belong to Ms. Kovell.
Mr. Chambers, 41, made this revelation after he and Ms. Kovell, 39, had been arrested and charged with numerous offenses owing to the cocaine, crack pipes, and other drug-related material found in their apartment.
“None of that [stuff] is mine,” said Mr. Chambers. “Shawn keeps it around. She likes to get amped up, rub coke all over my [penis], and have rough sex.”
Mr. Chambers and his [penis] were sentenced to prison in 1988 after he had pleaded guilty to manslaughter in the death of Jennifer Levin. Ms. Levin was eighteen when she died two years earlier following a bout of “rough sex” in Central Park with Mr. Chambers. He served all of a fifteen-year sentence, having received no time off for good behavior.
“I got into fights in jail defending myself against prisoners who wanted to force rough sex on me,” said Mr. Chambers.
Police raided the Chambers-Kovell apartment after receiving complaints from neighbors who said they couldn’t sleep because of the steady stream of people visiting Mr. Chambers and Ms. Kovell at all hours of the night.
“I swear I saw Clay Aiken and Liza Minnelli getting off the elevator at 2 o’clock in the morning,” said one building resident who asked not to be identified.
“Those are all Shawn’s friends,” said Mr. Chambers. “They come over and watch porn and keep me up all night. Half the time I throw them out as soon as they get here.”
In addition to being charged with drug offenses, Mr. Chambers was charged with resisting arrest, felony assault on a policeman in the line of his or her duty, and causing bodily harm to a policeman in the line of his or her duty.
After subduing Mr. Chambers, one officer had to be treated for a broken thumb; another suffered a strained ligament in his hand.
“I was just trying to defend myself,” said Mr. Chambers. “New York police have a reputation for engaging in some pretty rough sex with their prisoners.”
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
