TOBYHANNA, Penna. – Speaking to a carefully screened audience of servicemen and women, President George W. Bush accused the pop-punk band Green Day of undermining this country’s war effort and of “sending the wrong melody” to the troops in Iraq.
The East Bay trio’s latest album, American Idiot, which has sold ten million copies worldwide, is not only critical of the war, among other things, but also of Mr. Bush, referring to him in one song as “President Gasman.”
“This band is nothing but a group of terrorists disguised as musicians,” said the president. “Two of them (Tre Cool and Mike Dirnt) don’t even use their real names. If they don’t want to be American idiots, they should go be idiots in some other country. That way we wouldn’t have to fight them at home.”
Warming to his topic, the president noted that since the release of American Idiot in September 2004, support for the war has declined steadily while American casualties have risen past the two-thousand mark.
“What further proof do we need?” asked the president. “It’s staring us right in the ear. While our brave men and women have been dying so that we don’t have to, this band has been going around singing they don’t want to be part of a ‘redneck agenda.’ On behalf of all the residents of the so-called red states in this country, I am personally insulted by that remark.”
Mr. Bush’s speech coincided with the release of a new poll in which six out of ten Americans said they believe the war in Iraq was a mistake. A similar percentage said they don’t believe the president is honest or that his administration has high ethical standards. Most disturbingly, four out of five respondents believe Laura Bush always wears pants suits because she has “something to hide.”
Although American Idiot was released in September 2004, Mr. Bush first became aware of it last week when someone slipped a copy onto his iPod before he went out to ride his bicycle in the White House driveway.
“It was like a bomb went off in his head,” said presidential press secretary Scott McClellan. “He’s been obsessed with that album ever since. He even had somebody read him the lyrics.”
McClellan added that the president has quietly ordered an in-house investigation to determine the identity of the person who leaked American Idiot onto his iPod. If that person is caught, he or she “can probably be prosecuted under some provision of the Patriot Act.”
Meanwhile, vice president Cheney is rumored to be trying to find a way to ban troops in Iraq from listening to American Idiot. A spokesperson for Mr. Cheney also reported that the vice president wants to invoke the Patriot Act to prevent Green Day from recording a song about Scooter Libby on their follow-up album, Idiot’s Delight.
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