WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush announced yesterday that he is prepared to commute Harry Potter’s death sentence should he die in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh and final book in the grossly popular series.
“I respect J.R. Rowling and her decisions as an author,” said Mr. Bush in a written statement, “but I have concluded that killing Harry Potter would be excessive and would serve no purpose, other than giving millions of young readers nightmares. Therefore, if Harry Potter dies in Harry Potter and the Deathly Gallows, I will move swiftly to commute that portion of his sentence. A young life is a terrible thing to waste.”
The president refused to establish a timetable for commuting Mr. Potter’s death sentence, but sources close to the White House expect the commutation to follow swiftly on the heels of the final Harry Potter book’s publication.
Correction: In Sunday’s late edition of Postcards from the Pug Bus, the following quote from Michelle Wie was incorrect: “They are so imitating me—all these Songs, Parks, Kims, whatever.”
Ms. Wie did not say “Parks.” What she actually said was “Lees.” Our bad.
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