WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a private White House screening of American Dreamz, President George W. Bush told reporters that the comedy, which stars Dennis Quaid as an amiable dimwit who believes God chose him to lead the country, sends the wrong message about America.
“People who don’t know anything about America won’t learn much from watching American Dreamz,” said the president. “Everything about this movie is wrong. It’s like they set out to make fun of America or something.”
To begin, said the president, “nobody as clueless as President Staton (in American Dreamz) could lead the fight against terrorism. No wonder he got the country bogged down in a reckless adventure in the Middle East. He didn’t read newspapers, and he did whatever his advisors told him to do.”
President Bush was puzzled, too, about the portrayal of the terrorist-in-training, Omer, a Middle Eastern lad forced to join a terrorist cell when all he really wants to do is dance on Broadway.
“Terrorists hate us for what we are,” said the president. “No terrorist would aspire to a career in theater, not even as a ruse. They always pose as students or computer experts. Besides, terrorists would never trust a gay person with an important mission.”
The president also thought the talent show in American Dreamz was unrealistic.
“What kind of person would go on a show where the host is some wise guy with a British accent who likes to abuse people? Any show with that kind of premise wouldn’t last one season. Who would want to go on television just to be humiliated? And who would watch that kind of show?”
About the only thing American Dreamz got right, in President Bush’s opinion, was the part about god telling President Staton he had been chosen to lead the republic.
“I know where god’s coming from,” said the president, “but I’ve got to wonder if President Staton realized that the lord helps those who help themselves.”
Next Oprah: I Was Called To Do God’s Work on Television
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