WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Royal watchers have been off their HP Sauce since British tabloids began reporting over the weekend that Prince Harry and his current amuse-bouche, Chelsy Davy, have come a cropper—or cropped a comer, as the case may be.
According to friends of the couple, Ms. Davy, 22, informed His Gingerness via text message on Friday that she was fed up to her bum with life in the royal fishbowl (and she wasn’t that impressed with the royal box, either). She plans to return to her native Zimbabwe to help her father with his safari business.
Harry is alleged to have taken the news sitting down in an upmarket London pub, where the twenty-three-year-old prince was spotted Friday night. Before he had to be helped to his limousine, Harry had run up a $10,000 bar bill, most of which was spent on pork scratchings, champagne, and a series of torrid lap dances.
As always, Postcards from the Pug Bus is committed to bringing you not only the latest news regarding Harry and Chelsy but also the latest unsubstantiated rumors about the couple. In the meantime, we present the following Harry and Chelsy Breakup Quiz for your self-gratification and enjoyment.
1. Harry and Chelsy have been dating since they met at . . . a) a canned hunt in Zimbabwe, b) a Nazi memorabilia collector’s flea market, c) a tanning salon in London, 4) eHarmony.
2. Instead of attending Chelsy’s twenty-second birthday party last month, Prince Harry went to a . . . in Paris. a) rugby match, b) bum-fighting match, c) live sex show, d) cosmetic surgeon.
3. Prince Harry, an officer with the Blues Clues Royal Regiment, had hoped to see military action in . . . a) Ireland, b) Chatsworth Estates, c) Iraq, d) Balmoral Castle.
4. Chelsy Davy was . . . when she and Prince Harry first had sex. a) not a virgin, b) passed out in her own sick, c) unable to stop laughing, d) grievously disappointed.
5. Ms. Davy had moved to Leeds earlier this year in order to be closer to Harry and to study . . . a) law, b) aroma therapy, c) fashion design, d) train schedules between Leeds and London.
Bonus Question: Chelsy Davy complained to friends that . . . was too cold. a) her flat, b) the Queen Mum, c) Harry’s knob, d) the shepherd’s pie in the university kitchen.
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