NEW YORK – Rosie O’Donnell, basking in the attention generated by her feud with Donald Trump, has attacked Betty Ford and the late James Brown. Ms. O’Donnell, formerly a magazine editor and talk show host, and currently one-third by volume of ABC’s The View, called Mrs. Ford “a whining titless wonder” during a tribute to former President Ford on yesterday’s show.
“I don’t see why that old hag gets a free pass just because she banged a president and founded a clinic where wealthy drunks like Keith Urban can dry out while they get massages and oral sex for $10,000 a day,” said Ms. O’Donnell. “If Nicole Kidman would loosen up and give little Keith oral sex at home, perhaps he wouldn’t have moved into the Ford Clinic right after they got married.”
“Well, Wosie,” fellow View member Barbara Walters began, but the determined O’Donnell cut her off.
“Don’t ‘Well, Wosie’ me. I can smell a pathetic ex-drunk when I see one. What else has she done besides sell her name to a clinic that caters to celebrity losers?”
Ms. O’Donnell was even more critical of James Brown. While the other three co-hostesses of The View were praising Mr. Brown’s influence on all phases of American life and culture, Ms. O’Donnell suddenly reached behind her chair, whipped out a gorilla mask, and put it on. She then began singing, “Say it proud, I’m black and I’m loud.”
Following a hastily convened commercial break, Ms. O’Donnell said she meant no disrespect to black people.
“Some of my best friends are black,” she said, “but they’re not hideous-looking PCP addicts and wife beaters who set the cause of racial equality back two centuries.”
Officials at the Betty Ford Clinic and the James Brown Library declined to comment on the record about Ms. O’Donnell’s remarks. Donald Trump, who seemed annoyed that others had wandered into Ms. O’Donnell’s line of fire, was all too happy to respond.
“The next time she throws a cruise for the fruits-and-nuts brigade, they ought to use Rosie for an anchor,” sneered Mr. Trump.
In other news, the first reports of miracles attributed to James Brown have begun to filter in following yesterday’s viewing of the singer at Harlem’s Apollo Theater.
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