LOS ANGELES – Sheryl Crow’s cat, Biodiesel, has gone missing, apparently in protest over the singer’s stingy attitude regarding the paper in his litter pan.
Sources close to Biodiesel told Cat Fancy magazine that the five-year-old neutered male had become despondent after Ms. Crow had replaced his normal litter with a few scraps of cut-up old newspaper no bigger in volume than a single sheet of toilet tissue.
“Cats, unlike many humans, are extremely fastidious,” said Cynthia Feral, editor at large for Cat Fancy. “It’s one thing for a person to brag about wiping herself with one square of toilet paper, but it’s quite another to impose that sort of foolishness on a cat.”
According to Ms. Feral, Biodiesel was also upset because Ms. Crow had begun changing his litter once instead of twice a day in an effort to combat global warming.
Ms. Crow began to suspect something was amiss when she went to take her monthly bath last Saturday and discovered a large pile of excrement in her tub. When the singer was dating Owen Wilson, he often did that sort of thing as a joke; but Mr. Wilson and Ms. Crow broke up some time ago, so all fingers pointed to the cat—and to the jimmied lock on the cat flap.
“When a cat or a human defecates in a bath tub, he’s trying to tell us something,” said Ms. Feral. “I can’t say what was on Owen Wilson’s mind, but there’s no need to read between the lines to figure out what Biodiesel was trying to say.”
In related news, a recent post on Sheryl Crow’s website contains an offer of a one-year subscription to Green Times magazine for information leading to the return of Biodiesel. The singer has also printed up a lost cat flyer, which she has been moving from one Trader Joe’s bulletin board to another in an effort to conserve paper.
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