Al Gore is rightly celebrated as the “father of the Internet,” but few people know that he is also the “father of the toilet cam,” whose praises we sing today. The former vice president confessed at the American Library Association’s (ALA) fall meeting in Boston last week that he invented the toilet cam and that he is “not that proud” to have done so.
“I developed the toilet cam originally just to mess with Tipper and the kids,” said a contrite Mr. Gore, seventy-one. “It was something I did in my spare time after I had gotten the Internet up and running.”
Tipper and the kids, however, did not share Mr. Gore’s enthusiasm for the home movies he put together from his toilet-cam footage. “It was just so embarrassing when my father would show pictures of me on the john to my boyfriends,” said Mr. Gore’s younger daughter, Sarah LaFon Gore Lee. “Most fathers try to embarrass their daughters by showing nude pictures of them at three. My father showed videos of me squatting and splashing.”
Mr. Gore’s boundless, puppylike devotion to the toilet cam eventually caused his forty-year marriage to clog up when his wife discovered he was not deleting footage of other women caught on the Gores’ guest room toilet cam.
“When I caught him pleasuring himself to footage of Hilary Clinton peeing standing up, that was the end,” said Tipper Gore.
The toilet cam might have remained simply another one of the madcap Gore’s forgotten wacky “inventions” were it not for his involvement in the fight against global-warming.
“I suspected there was more I could be doing to save the planet,” said Mr. Gore. “Then one day I realized I had completely overlooked the pernicious effect of courtesy flushes on our nation’s water supply. The toilet uses five gallons of water per flush,” said the vice president. “The courtesy flush doubles that figure. You do the math.”
Eager to conserve water, Mr. Gore contracted with a Chinese company to mass produce toilet cams. He wanted to see toilet cams installed in all public restrooms in the United States. The move, he believed, would create not only jobs but also a significant reduction in water use.
“If people know they’re being watched when they’re in the can,” said the vice president, “they won’t be so cavalier about wasting water on a courtesy flush.”
What the vice president failed to realize was the massive non-scientific interest in toilet cams, an interest that has been fully exploited by the Chinese ever since.
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