WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Racial harmony in the United States may not be receding in the rear view mirror of life so much as one might imagine in these post-Trayvon-Martin times.
Ever since George Zimmerman became a free man last Saturday night, a Saturday Night fever has enveloped members of the Liberal classes—not to mention every asshat with a Twitter account and terminal indignation.
Thus, we are inspired to award multiple ass hat awards this week to the persons who have shat their credibility the most among reasonable persons such as you and me, Gentle Readers. This was not an easy call, for the amount of bushwa, bullshit, bullocks, and balderdash being spewed over and about Mr. Martin is higher than a mountain of garbage at your nearest landfill, and four times as odoriferous to boot.
But enough. Herewith the awards.
The first ass hat goes to Anthea Butler, an associate professor of Aphthae epizooticae (hoof-and-mouth disease) at the University of Pennsylvania’s Department of Religious Studies. Ms. Butler took to something called ReligionDispatches.org on Monday to declare that “this American god ain’t my god. As a matter of fact, I think he’s a white racist god with a problem. More importantly, he is carrying a gun and stalking young black men.” Ms. Butler further declared that Trayvon Martin’s killing was the result of racism influenced by christianity.
Now, to prove that stupidity is color blind, please allow us to introduce you to the wisdom of David Simon, caucasoid, the creator of The Wire and the not-even-close-to-being-as-good Treme. (Full disclosure, your jovial correspondent once received a copyright-infringement notice from Mr. Simon’s goons for “borrowing” the first season of Treme from the free lending library that is the internet. Fuck you, David. I was using a VPN so the notice never went any further than the folks running the server through which my clandestine activity had been routed. My ISP was never the wiser. So there, you slaphead jerk.)
Enough gloating.
Mr. Simon said recently that in Florida the “season on African-Americans now runs year round. Come one, come all. And bring a handgun. The legislators are fine with this blood on their hands. The governor, too.”
Pausing only long enough to switch hands during his masturbatory rant, Mr. Simon declared, “If I were a person of color in Florida, I would pick up a brick and start walking toward that courthouse in Sanford. Those that do not . . . are testament to a stoic tolerance that is more than the rest of us deserve. I confess, their patience and patriotism is well beyond my own.”
So is rational thought, you dunderhead. If you’re so keen on throwing a brick at the courthouse in Sanford, why don’t you hire a plane to fly you there, hire a limo to take you to the courthouse, then do your worst? Why do you expect persons of color to do your dirty work for you? Chicken-shit, fool. You sound a little racist yourself, Davey; and why do you want these persons of color to walk to Sanford? They’ve got the right to use public transportation, you know.
Despite the fact that I was taught not to make fun of others who did have the advantages that I had, like the miracle of sight, I’m going to ignore that advice—as I have ignored most other good advice in my lifetime—and call out Stevie Wonder.
Stevie got his extensions all in a twist over the George Zimmerman decision, which moved him to declare that he will no longer “perform” in Florida or in any other state or, indeed, in any place in the world that has a “stand your ground” law on the books.
Let’s see, that means we won’t be subjected to any half-ass posturing from Stevie in Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Washington, and West By-God Virginia. (This according to a piece in The Atlantic Wire for March 22, 2012.)
We wonder what Stevie will do when he discovers that he has to perform in one of those unenlightened states because his people couldn’t get him out of a pre-existing contract.
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