WEST CHESTER, Pa.–While the Grammar Prick was watching a football game on television recently, an announcer declared, “Quarterbacks like Peyton Manning are a godsend.” What is wrong with that statement, boys and girls?
1) Peyton Manning, despite his success during the regular season, has a crap record in playoff games and has won just one Super Bowl in seventeen years.
2) Peyton Manning actually plays fullback.
3) God had squat all to do with Mr. Manning’s abilities.
If you chose the third answer, you are correct; and there is a passing chance, at least, that you are nobody’s tool. That’s more than we can say about people who sprinkle their conversations with references to the almighty the way a priest sprinkles holy water on an innocent child who doesn’t need saving from anyone except, perhaps, the priest. Neither the child nor civil discourse, either written or spoken, benefits from the interjection of the almighty.
So what might that lazy, cliche-humping, god-bothering announcer have said about Mr. Manning instead of calling him a godsend? The announcer could have said that Mr. Manning is a once-in-a-lifetime talent, a wonder to behold, or Superman in cleats. Anything would have been better than bringing god off the bench, because any reference to god is a cliche. Witness this example, from an article about the Affordable Care Act (ACA).
“Something went wrong. People could not sign up. Why? Not sure. Who’s at fault? Apparently no one. An act of God. Something that could never have been foreseen.”
There are two issues here: the uppercase G in God, which is not a proper noun, and the notion that god had anything to do with the meltdown of the ACA website.
At the start of the day, good writing is more than good mechanics. It is also a matter of good taste. Invoking god’s name in vain when you write offends not only those who don’t believe in god but also those believers who think he has better things to do than to get involved in the creation of athletes or websites.
So, boys and girls, if you’re tempted to use expressions like the following in your writing, banish them at once: god forbid, as god is my witness, as god intended, the good lord willing, god rest his soul, for god’s sake, god only knows, god help us, honest to god, oh my god, etc.
Can the Grammar Prick get an amen here?
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