HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise, who reportedly turned down the role of Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain, is quietly angling to play Twist’s gay ranch cook in a prequel to Brokeback Mountain called Out Behind the Mountain.
According to Hollywood insiders, Cruise turned down the role of Twist, which eventually went to Jake Gyllenhaal, because Cruise feared that his portrayal of a gay man would re-ignite rumors that he himself is gay and that Katie Holmes is just the latest in a long line of beards.
“Besides,” confided Cruise’ new agent, “Tom feared that he’d look too short in a cowboy hat.”
Having seen Brokeback Mountain, however, Cruise is now circulating a “rough treatment” for Out Behind the Mountain. In the prequel Cruise plays Buck Nekkid, a gay bareback rodeo rider competing on the straight circuit.
Forced to retire after he had propositioned Rowdy Fawker, a champion steer wrestler, Nekkid wandered through the saloons of the southwest, subsisting on his savings, until he finally landed a job on the Bumderosa ranch. His cooking and decorating skills were appreciated at the Bumderosa because there were no women on the ranch—even the housekeeper was a man.
One hot and steamy summer, Jack Twist, then 15, came to stay with his uncle Hose at the Bumderosa. Buck Nekkid immediately took Twist under his wing and taught him to iron and to ride bareback.
Thanks to Buck Nekkid’s patient teaching, Twist went on to become a fixture on the gay rodeo circuit, which was then still in diapers. At the movie’s close, Twist tearfully bade good-bye to Buck Nekkid and the men at the Bumderosa, knowing that his dream of winning the panties-on-a-goat competition would prevent him from ever “passing this way again.”
Next Oprah: Exclusive Posthumous Interview with Richard Pryor
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
