HOLLYWOOD – Now that High School Musical 3 is scheduled to begin filming next Valentine’s Day, Vanessa Hudgens, 18, has decided to put paid once and for all to the continuous rumors about the dozens of sex videos she is alleged to have made since her sixteenth birthday.
The rumors began with the appearance of Open Me First two months ago. In this forty-five-second clip, apparently filmed with a cell phone camera, a nude Ms. Hudgens sits spread-eagled in front of a Christmas tree wearing nothing but a few Christmas gift tags and a spring of mistletoe.
Although Ms. Hudgens reluctantly admitted to sending the sex video to a friend “by mistake,” she has continued to issue press releases denying the existence of other sex videos of a prolonged and graphic nature.
Beginning at 9:00 a.m. (EST) on Monday November 26, however, concerned Vanessa Hudgens fans can dial 1-900-NOT-TRUE and hear Ms. Hudgens deny in her own voice the latest rumors being circulated about her and Drake Bell, Zac Efron, Tommy Lee, Brandon Davis, and others.
“At 49 cents a minute billed automatically to the telephone number from which a call is made, this service represents a great bargain for Vanessa Hudgens fans everywhere,” said the young star’s publicist, Cindy Pryce.
“It’s one thing for fans to read Vanessa’s latest denouncement of tabloid speculation on her website or in the news, but it’s quite another for her fans to hear the note of innocence and dismay in her voice as she swears she never gave head to Clay Aiken.”
Persons calling 1-900-NOT-TRUE will be greeted by a cheerful message from Ms. Hudgens.
“Thank you for calling the Vanessa Hudgens Sex Videos Rumor Hotline. Because your call is important to us, we have installed the following menu to hook you up with the appropriate denial for whatever rumor you may have heard. For your protection your call may be monitored. Please listen carefully before making your selection.
“Para escuchar el menú en español, press 1. To hear me deny that I lost my virginity to Tommy Lee when I was fourteen, press 2. To hear me deny stories about my spending several afternoons in Zac Efron’s trailer snorting coke while we were filming High School Musical 2, press 3.
“To hear me deny spending Halloween in a hot tub with Britney Spears, press 4. To hear me deny that I’ve had at least two abortions, press 5. To hear me deny that Zac is a flaming ‘mo, press 6.
“To hear me deny rumors you may not have heard yet, including the one about Clay Aiken, press 7. To find out how many men—and women—I’m supposed to have slept with, press 8. To find out the actual number of men and women I have slept with, please have your credit card handy.”
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
