SILVIS, Ill. – Once again Michelle Wie failed in her quest to become the first woman golfer since 1945 to use the men’s shower facilities at a PGA event. Her failure left many Wie watchers disappointed. They believed the John Deere was her best chance of lathering up with the men because all the big swingers—Tiger, Phil, V.J, and the like—were in Europe preparing for the British Open, but a funny thing happened on the way to the showers.
With a large gallery of her fans watching a jumbotron monitor just off the eighteenth green, Ms. Wie, 16, strode confidently from the locker room, wearing a purple towel and matching flip-flops. She got off to a rough start, however, and never got on track.
First she hooked her approach to the showers and wound up in a storage room. Then while trying to retrace her steps, she wandered into a broom closet and was forced to take an unplayable after she had closed the door behind her, which cost her precious time.
On her second approach Ms. Wie appeared to be bothered by bugs, and she stepped away from the doorway three times.
“I mean, literally I had like five of them on me,” said Ms. Wie. “I mean, it’s OK if the bugs are like buzzing around. I can handle that, but they were crawling on my arm, they were on my hand, they were on my head. It was totally ridiculous. I had to step back like three times.”
When Ms. Wie finally did skitter through the doorway, she caught her towel on the knob and had to stop to untangle the towel and reposition it. By then she stood little chance of making the cut at the shower.
What scant hope her fans had left was dashed when Ms. Wie dropped the soap and had to take a five-second penalty when she kicked it while trying to retrieve it. After all was said and done, she finished tied for 149th in the 153-player field, with only Bob May and Mike Springer behind her.
Despite Ms. Wie’s lackluster performance, her defenders saw hope for the future.
“Bob May barely lost to Tiger Woods in a soap-off at the 2000 Wachovia Bank Classic,” wrote Skip DeFord in Golfing Digest. “That makes Michelle almost as good as Tiger in my book. I still say it’s just a matter of time before Michelle is showering with men regularly, and that sends a powerful message to little girls everywhere.”
Other observers complained, however, that Ms. Wie has yet to prove she’s fast enough to shower with the women on the LPGA tour, never mind the men.
“She ought to prove she’s got what it takes against us before she goes challenging the men,” said the outspoken Morgan Pressel. “She’s yet to win anything on the women’s tour, you know.”
After the John Deere, Ms. Wie sounded much like Sasha Cohen, another female athlete known more for her failures than her successes.
“It was pretty amazing when I made a few good moves,” said Ms. Wie “I could hear the applause. It was really loud. That’s why I play, to have those moments.”
In other news, Angelina Jolie has signed to play former Grand Ole Opry star Minnie Pearl in a movie that will be produced by Ms. Jolie’s nanny, Brad Pitt.
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